Expectations and the brutal truth

As a modern mother, I am supposed to be able to do everything. I am supposed to be able to cook healthy balanced meals daily, our home should be perfectly clean and tidy at all times, I’m supposed to work and have a fabulously successful career, I am supposed to have time with my man tending to his every whim, I am supposed to have time with the kids, I’m supposed to be slim and jog home from the school runs…..I’m supposed to be a well oil machine of organisation that others stride to be.

If I compare myself to this list I am a utter failure. There are aspects I can excel in, at times, and others that make me feel I’m drowning like a fish out of water. Recently there is one thing that has been bothering me. It’s not our cluttered ‘over flowing’ house, although it drives me crazy….it’s not my work as I love what I do and feel I’m on a great path and will succeed… I’m working on my weight….Mr Secret Blog and I have having more dates nights…what has been bothering me, which is a big hard thing to admit…

Is spending time with my children

I’m lucky that I I’m self employed from home I get to be with my children most of the time. I get to drop/pick them up from school everyday, I can watch their school plays, I get to take them to their extra curricular activates, I’m with them all the time. However, there is a huge difference between being with my children and actually having qualitytime with them.

A few months ago I realised that I wasn’t really playing with them. I was so busy with all the other things I had to do, that I wasn’t making time to really be with them. Even cuddling up watching a movie was a rarity. So I decided to change this and make time for the two most important people in the world, that deserved far more than what I was giving them.

Every day now I make time to play with them, even if it’s a quick card game or a wrestle I’m there. As my daughter is getting older, she turned 10 a few months ago, she needing me more and more. So when my 5 Year old son is in bed we have started playing a fashion game together. Every night we check our scores and do the challenge of the day, it’s so much fun and something we both really enjoy. Every night I try and play a board game with then both, or at least sit with them to watch one of their silly programmes.

During the holidays I’m being more careful when I book work in, if I have a day filled with customers I’ll make sure I have gaps in-between to take them to the park or join in with what ever they’re doing at the time.

I realised there were lots of instances one of the kids would say (for example) can you read me this story or can you help me finish this puzzle? My response would be ‘no I’m busy I’ll do it later’ while I carried my own weight in washing down the stairs thinking of all the things I had to do. Whereas in reality, it would take me two minutes to stop and have that little bit of time helping them. So in these instances I started saying yes.

The last thing I want is for my children to feel like they’re bottom of my priority list, but by my actions that is exactly what I was doing.

Doing these little things has made such a difference, I feel less stressed and the kids seem happier. I was missing out on so much, and I know when they’re older I won’t look back and think ‘I should of spent more time dusting’ I’ll look back and think ‘why didn’t I spend more time with my babies.’ They’re not young forever and I’m going to make the most of every little second of quality time.

Can you relate to this post? I would love to hear in the comments below.

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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23 comments

  1. You are a great mom. I’m a social worker at a parenting center and we talk to our parents a lot about bonding and how just because you birthed the child doesn’t automatically mean you have a relationship with them (especially if you don’t spend time with them). The fact that you are making a conscious effort to spend more intentional time with your kids is amazing. I applaud you.

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  2. My thoughts on mothering are the same. I want to have silly fun, quality time and daily talks while they still want to have those things with me. The laundry folding and dusting will be the same later, my kids won’t.

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  3. I can definitely relate! My goodness we are supposed to be amazing at everything, and it’s tough. I feel exactly the same about quality time, because if I don’t do the jobs then who will? In our house we both go out to work and it really is a balancing act. If you find out the secret let me know! X

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  4. I just try to be there during the good times and the bad whether he wants me to or not. I also let him invite a friend if we are going somewhere because he’s almost a teenager but I still want to do stuff together!

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  5. Firstly, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job.. and secondly I’m so glad I read this post! I’m a new mum (can I still say that when she’s already 9 months old), and I had the exact same thought today while I was running the clean washing to the bedrooms. My poor little bubba was trying to follow me but couldn’t keep up so she just sat in the hallway. When I came back past her she reached for me and my heart broke a little. I immediately felt guilty for spending her wake time doing all of my chores. I know it’s a bit different when bubs are so young, but I just wanted you to know that your post really made me think about my priorities and whether my actions actually reflected them.
    So thank you for sharing 🙂

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  6. I’m just starting out on the motherhood front, he is only 2.5 but that has flown by and he’ll be off to school before I know it. I am already seeing myself saying not now I’m busy, or let mommy just do this, so your post has been a little eye opener… and shows we can do it all. Like you said, only a little 10 minutes here and there, just about being present in their lives especially as they get older.. you’re a fab blogger, a wonderful human being (from what ive read so far….!!) and what sounds to be like one successful and lovely momma!! xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Aw that’s so kind of you thank u!!!!😃😃😃 I’m pleased this post had made people think, we all adore our kids and sometimes it’s good to shake things up! Spending that extra bit of time with them makes you feel really good too 🤗 xxx

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  7. Loved this post!!! I can so relate. Glad to see you’re still blogging…..(Formerly migraines here….) Can’t wait to catch up. Have loved your blog!

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