Ways to improve your sex life- tip number 6 (sexting)

Welcome to my sex tip series! This is a fun one I have to say. I was thinking about all the different things that make our sex life what it is, and sexting and naughty pics is a big part of that. 

I would say 70% of our messages are pure filth, as sex is one of our favourite things to talk about it comes up a lot. There’s nothing better than waking up to a sexy text from my other half telling me what he wants to do to me when he gets home, it lights up my day and puts me in the best mood.

Sexting is also a great way to say how you want the sex to go down, not everyone is sexual forward and are able to get the words out in ‘real life’ so doing it through text can be liberating. There’s a lot of things I will happily tell my partner via text of what I want to do to him that I might struggle saying out loud. It’s a great excuse to be a dirty as you want to be. 

As well as sexting, naughty photos are really fun! I love surprising my other half while he’s bored at work with a photo of me in naughty knickers, something slutty or nothing on at all! It makes his day as he knows what I’m thinking about! 

It’s added spice and creates a wonderful sexual build up so when you do get your hands on each other it’ mind blowing.

So if sexting isn’t something you would normally too, why not surprise your other half with something saucy, flirty and fun!

If you’d like to catch up on this series click the links below:

Sex tip one- honesty

Sex tip two- don’t be selfish

Sex tip three- make the time

Sex tip four-embrace your body

Sex tip give- try something new
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Ways to improve your sex life- tip number 5(try something new)

Welcome to my sex tip series! From the day I started this series this is one topic I had already decided to cover. But after my experience a few nights ago, I decided today is the day I want to talk about it. 

I’ve never been into role play, it always seemed a bit weird to me acting out another character while having sex. I didn’t have any interest in it. But recently I’ve had this idea of my other half being a sexy doctor and me a patient. I have no clue where this came from as I don’t tend to fancy doctors but the thought of him being a doctor….yes please.

I mentioned this to him a week or so ago and he was very keen, to the point he ordered himself some doctor stuff which he wouldn’t let me see until my ‘appointment.’ All week we have been so excited about doctor time, I even ordered myself a sexy new nightie to go under my clothes.

I have to say it was an experience of a life time!! I loved every second, he looked sexy as hell in his smart clothes, white jacket and glasses. He turned our bedroom into a doctors office, the effort he put in was so touching. The look on his face when I revieled the naughty nighty was priceless. We kept up the act the whole was through and it wasn’t weird or cringy in the slightest, in fact it was a big turn on. This is something I thought I would never do, but I’m so pleased it did!!!!! Turns out I love role play!! I never would of known if I wouldn’t of tried it. 

Over the years I’ve become more and more open to trying new things and it’s made our sex life better for sure. We own quite a lot of sex toys which really spiced things up, different shapes sizes and features we could open a mini shop. Years ago I never would of been brave enough to try the things I do now, my weight and sexual shyness held me back quite a bit. I can not put in to words how proud I am of myself for just diving in and giving it a go. It’s really upped the sexiness and waiting on deliveries of new goodies gives us something to really look forward to. It’s made our sex life more varied and we have so many choices of lubes, toys, naughty lingerie and now doctors equipment we never get bored!! It’s like a grown up pick and mix.

So go and try something new! If you don’t like it you don’t have to do it again! I’ve discovered so many things I didn’t think I’d like, I’m loving the sexual journey.

If you’d like to catch up on my series click the links below, and follow my blog to be notified when the next ones out!

Tip one (honesty)

Tip two (don’t be selfish)

Tip three (make the time)

Tip four (embrace your body)
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old


Ways to improve your sex life-tip number four (embrace your body) 

Welcome to my sex tip series! Writing this has really made me think deeply about my sex life and what has attributed to how great it is even after being with my partner for over 10 years. As I said in a previous post, our sex life is better than ever. One big turn around was me embracing my body. This is quite a sensitive subject for a lot of women (and men I’m sure) and thinking about it I don’t know a single woman who is happy with her body. The Secret is you don’t have to be happy with it, to embrace it. Excepting who you are is liberating and really brings inner peace, trust me I would know. 

Up until the past couple of years I have HATED my body, there was NOTHING I liked about it. Although my parter told me he loved me and found me attractive, because I didn’t see it, I don’t think I really believed him. Even when I was slim, toned and curvy I found it hard to look at myself naked. Having several eating disorders in my life did not help, they made me hate myself even more, the more weight I lost the more the hatred grew. 

After gaining about 8/9 stone incredibly quickly due to starting anti psychotics then falling pregnant I was at an all time low. The hatred had turned into something so dark, I cringed at my own body, there are next to no photos of me after having or second child because I felt like a disgusting embarrassment to myself and my family. I was in this huge body that didn’t feel like mine and I had no idea how to turn it around. I wouldn’t go out incase someone I knew saw me, I should of been so happy to have been blessed with another healthy baby but I wasn’t. I didn’t want my partner to see me naked, let alone touch me. 

This isn’t a weight loss story by the way, I’m not going to say I lost all the weight and now I’m gorgeous and happy. Because that’s not what’s happened. Yes I have lost some of the weight but I have a loooooong way to go. What all changed for me was deep down my biggest fear was that no matter what size I was, I would never be happy. And that petrified me. I didn’t want to hate myself for the rest of my life, I wanted to like myself, fat or thin I’m still a good person and beautiful in my own way. Having a daughter helped me with this as the thought of her feeling how I did broke my heart. How could I teach her to truly love herself if I didn’t love myself? 

It took time and encouragement but I have excepted who I am. I still want to loose weight, but I’m doing it for my health. Not because I want to be ‘perfect.’ I’ve always thought I was fat, even when I was seriously under weight in my mind I was bigger than I am now. But I think from experiencing what being big really is, when I do get smaller, for the first time in my life, I will see what everyone else sees. My partner has always told me I’m gorgeous and beautiful and that he loves me, but now I believe him and KNOW it’s the truth. 

Even if at times I look in the mirror and think ‘God that’s not a flattering angle of my belly/bum/hips/tits/chins/arms/legs/back’ I am still beautiful, and I’m the same person I was before I got big. Since embracing my body our sex life has gone to another level, it’s so passionate and intense it brings the sun out of my storm cloud. I’m more than willing to try new things now, and when we do I’m not cringing and dying inside, or stopping and bursting into tears, or thinking ‘I’m fat and gross how the hell is he enjoying this’ I’m thinking about how gorgeous he makes me feel and I’m focused on the job at hand!! 

Once you see your beauty others will too, and even if you can’t see it doesn’t mean that others can’t! Being beautiful isn’t about having the perfect body, it’s everything about you. So next time you feel your not good enough, listen to your heart and know that you are. 

If you would like to catch up on the other tips in this series click the links below:

Tip one (honesty)

Tip two (don’t be selfish)

Tip three (make the time)
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Ways to improve your sex life-tip number 3 (make the time)

Welcome to my sex tip series! Today’s topic is about making the time to have amazing sex. When my partner and I were young(er) we were at it like rabbits, day and night and everytime in between, but now we’re older and have responsibilities it does get harder to fit everything in. I think if we didn’t make the effort days and weeks could easily slip by. Well maybe not weeks in our case as we get ratty as hell after a few days but I’m speaking generally. 

It takes meticulous planning in our case to get down and dirty as often as we do, it doesn’t always go to plan but I’d say we have an 80% success rate. Here are some of the steps we take to have sex around our busy life’s, clearly our issues might not be the same as yours but it might give you some ideas for your life. 

1. Go to bed earlier

Early bedtimes is an essential there’s no ifs or buts about it. This is our magic key! As we’re getting older we’ve found we need more sleep anyway (I’m making us sound mega old lol) but we work hard and have two kids so you can’t blame us. If we’re in the mood for love we make sure we go to bed at least an hour earlier than normal, that gives us some chill time before we get down and dirty, while still getting a good nights sleep. What more could you want? As we do have children we make sure they’re in bed early too, even putting them to bed 20 mins early can make a big difference if ur a sleepy clock watcher like us. 

2. Take every opportunity (when your feeling it)

If you don’t have any children that can burst in at any moment this will be a lot easier for you, just because it’s not bed time doesn’t mean you can’t have sex. Not everyone likes doing it in the bright gleaming day light but close the curtains and give it a go! For example;

You have an hour till your pasta bake is cooked? Go have sex

You’ve woke up 20 mins early before you need to get up? Go have sex

Your favourite show doesn’t start for half hour? Go have sex

It’s as simply as that! For us, it goes more like this:

The kids are away for a night at their grand parents? Sex 100% guaranteed 

The kids have magically fallen asleep early?  Have sex

Basically if we’re alone in the house? Have sex

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying we’re at it at every single chance but when the mood takes we definitely go for it! 
3. Moving your plans around

This is something you’ll need to do together,   if your both super busy people with diaries more full that the popes, you need to work together to find times during the week to have time together. Even if you don’t end up having sex, alone together time is so important in a relationship. It keeps you connected and can stop you drifting apart, it also shows your both committed and actually want time together. One of my favourite things is cuddling up in bed watching a movie eating biscuits, it’s nearly as good as sex. 
3. Caffeine is your friend

This might sound a bit weird but this tip is a life saver for me. If we’ve had a naughty day sexting and are both looking forward to bed time the last thing I want to do is fall asleep. As I have a busy hectic life and I do get very tiered it is a serious possibility. To combat those really tiered days I’ll have a strong coffee early evening when I start getting yawney and drowsy, it’s just enough to perk me up and get me all excited again! Not sure if this tip is good advice or not but either way it helps me!

This was quite a rambley post but hopefully it helped you in some way! Give my blog a follow to read the next instalment, here is Tip Number One (honesty) and Tip Number Two (don’t be selfish) if you’d like to catch up.

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Ways to improve your sex life-tip number 2 (Don’t be selfish) 

Welcome to my sex tip series! Today’s topic is going to be about being selfish in bed. I think quite a few people will be able to relate to this one and I thought it would be a good eye opening read regardless if your the selfish one or if your partner is. This post is also based more on personal experience from the past so there will be some over sharing, just to warn you. 
Being super honest and open (as this blog is anonymous I really can be!) before meeting the love of my life I had never orgasmed with a guy before. Solo yes, with anyone else, no. I have had quite an adventurous sexual past to say the least, name it I’ve tried it, but I’d never been with anyone who’s goal during sex was to please me. Every other guy was just in it for them selves, and now I realise long term that seriously wouldn’t of worked for me. I just thought that what sex was, and looking back that is fucking sad and I could not be happier with my pervy dirty love making machine that I have ended up with. 
I remember the first time he made me orgasm was when he went down on me, I’m not joking when I say I had to hold in the tears I was so bloody happy as well as relieved that I actually could with someone else. Afterwards I sat up to give him his turn, he simply looked at me and said ‘I didn’t do it to get anything in return, I just wanted to do something for you.’ That night I laid awake puzzled, my mind was racing because I was so confused, why did he do it if he didn’t he want anything back? That’s when it dawned on me, this is how it should be. The amount of blow jobs I had given guys with nothing in return, why is that ok?! Think about it! 
The boyfriend I had before I met the man I settled with, was a selfish piece of shit, he really was, in the two and a half years together he never ONCE even TRIED to do something nice sexually for me. He was a ‘pump pump pump done’ kinda guy. It left me so frustrated as I was horny as hell and it wouldn’t even cross his mind how he would of felt if it was the other way round. Maybe I should of tried talking to him more about it but I couldn’t find the words and didn’t want to hurt his feelings (I cover this in my first sex tips instalment click here to read more) so I was wholly unsatisfied for some time and my vibrator became my soul mate. That’s not why I ended things with him but I know that if I would of stayed it would of become even more of an issue and I wouldn’t of ever been truly happy. 
Sex should be both parties coming away happy (no pun intended…) wether your a couple in love or fuck buddies, what is the point if your not both satisfied? If your that poor sole who is with a selfish lover and you tell yourself ‘it’s ok because I love making them happy’ just think, how would they feel if it was always about you and never about them? And if your the selfish lover in this scenario, if you love someone and want to keep them in your life you need to start thinking about them too. If you are embarrassed that you don’t know how to please your partner, be honest and tell them. I’m pretty sure that most people would find it incredibly thoughtful that you want to try and that you’ve realised it’s not all about you. Another great tip is, if you find it easier to orgasm than your partner, sort them out first so by the end your both happy and content! 
I hope this has helped you! Follow my blog for the next sex tip instalment!
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Ways to improve your sex life-tip number 1 (honesty)

Im going to start by saying I’m not a sex therapist but I do know a thing or two about sex in a relationship. I have been with my partner for over 10 years and we still have sex nearly as much as we did when we met. Sex is a huge part of our relationship, it brings us closer together and it’s almost like a hobby for us! It also helps that we still fancy the pants off each other. As the years have gone on our sex life has gotten better and better so I thought I’d write a series on tips and tricks to improve your sex life. Each post will cover a different topic that I think has helped our sex life and kept the spark alive. 

I chose this tip to be the first in our series as I think it’s the most important one. You have to be honest with your partner. I know so many people that are unhappy with their sex life because they are trying to fake it till they make it. This does not work! If you don’t like what you partners doing after years of it, your never going to. Your not going to magically wake up, suddenly enjoying them screaming ‘boom goes the dynamite’ every time they cum if it make you cringe and die inside. 

There are ways of discussing sexual preferences without hurting your partners feelings, for example, instead of saying ‘I don’t like how it feels when you finger me like that it does nothing for me’ you can say ‘I prefer it when you do it like this, it really turns me on and feels amazing.’ This could even lead to you showing them how you like it to be done, which in turn would be as sexy as hell for your partner and could open the door to having more open discussions on what you would like to change. As well as talking about what you enjoy, ask your partner what they enjoy and if there is anything you can change to make it more fun and satisfying. Don’t be offended if your surprised at their answers, be open to what they say and don’t see it as a personal attack. Everyone is different and likes different things, over time preferences can change and evolve and discussing this can only lead to great sex and a feeling of togetherness. It’s better than watching eastenders every night I know that much! Remember to tell your partner what you love about your sex life, this can make the conversation more balanced and less negative. 

If you want to try something new, be brave and say, your partner might also want to try new things too but could feel worried they’ll be laughed at or are too shy to speak up. Take the initiative and talk about it. If your partner doesn’t feel ready to try your specific suggestion, ask what they would like to try. Both parties need to be 100% comfortable, this is an incredibly important part of an amazing sex life. Also just because they don’t want to try something at this moment in time doesn’t mean that they won’t want to give it a go in the future. But remember to be respectful and if your partner is firmly against something you suggest you need to except it and move on to something else, no one should feel guilted into anything sexual. 

If you don’t feel you can verbally say exactally want you want from your sex life, why not take the lead and show your partner. If for the past 5 years your partner has forgetten what foreplay is, and instead gets straight to the job at hand, remind them of what you used to do. Take charge and start your sexual encounter differently than normal, even starting in a different room than normal can totally change the experience. 

I hope this is helpful you, Follow my blog for the next instalment! 

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old