Inspirational people on YouTube – Nikki Glamour 


As a YouTube fanatic there are tonnes of people I am subscribed to, one of these people being Nikki Glamour. She has a story time channel and has recently started a Q&A series. She also does the occasional makeup tutorial and challenge video. 

I do enjoy story time channels but I wouldn’t say there’s any creators I would look up to or concider a good role model to younger viewers. They can be highly entertaining but not necessarily people I would want my daughter idolising if you get my drift.

Nikki on the other hand I think is amazing. That girl has a moral compass she could patent and sell. Even when she was a younger teenager she stuck to the ‘girl code’, knew what was wrong and right and knew how to conduct herself. 

She’s had crazy ‘out of charactor’ times like everyone else and some of her stories are pretty out there so don’t expect a saint but she promotes self respect and love and demands respect from the opposite sex. This is something I really admire, I think Nikki got her shit together from a young age which is rare! I wish I could say the same. 

She comes across as passionate, funny, loyal, honest, feisty and someone who knows their own mind. She knows what she thinks and feels and doesn’t doubt herself for a second. That kind of confidence is admirable and a quality young viewers will hopefully learn from and take away from her stories. 

If you haven’t checked out her channel I would highly recommend it. She is also hilarious so if you want a giggle, she’s your girl.

Who do you love on YouTube I’d love to hear below!

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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Inspirational people on YouTube- AfterPrisonShow 


Anyone who watches YouTube knows that you start watching one video and end up down the deep hole of randomness watching something completely different, that you didn’t know existed.

I recently discovered Joe on the AfterPrisonShow. After binge watching his videos I was compelled to write about him. 

His channel is all about being in prison. Joe was sentenced to 7.5 years when he was 18 years old for none violent drug charges. He was on a bad path, got caught, and has turned his negative experience into something positive. 

His videos are funny, entertaining and full of inside info. I’ve never been to prison and am not close to anyone that has so for me it was a sneak peek into a crazy intriguing world I know nothing about. He covers every topic you can think of in a humourus way, but there is a message behind his channel. 

It’s not to glamourise prison (I don’t think it does but I suppose everyone has a different perspective) it’s to show people how awful confinement can be. The living conditions, the rules, food, the people, the waste of a life. 

He says time and time again he spent most of his 20s locked up. When I think of all the amazing things that have happened to me in my 20s, I can’t imagine not having the opportunities that I have had. My babies, my man, my business, this little life I have made for myself. 

I understand joe was in there because of what he did, but still, that’s a huge chunk of this life gone. For a stupid mistake he made as a teenager. Then again without prison I don’t think he would be the man he is today.

Listening to him talk I found him so inspirational, now he’s older he sees the bigger picture and has chosen to better his life. I think that is something for a lot of people to really look up to.

On my blog, as well as to entertain and make people laugh, I hope by talking about the bad things that have happened to me in my life and how I got through those times, it might reach people who can relate and encourage them they can change their lives too. This is what joe is doing, trying to make a difference in people’s lives that might not be heading in a good direction. 

Joe comes across as REAL and genuine. He doesn’t sugarcoat things, he’s no angel, he doesn’t pretend to be. That is what I think makes him so relatable. He’s honest about the good and the bad, I highly recommend you go check out his channel.


So I’m going to end this the same way Joe does in every video… 

“Enjoy life, the free world, never take a moment for granted, And make the most of every day.

Peace!”

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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I love my stretch marks 

This might sound really weird but I love my stretch marks. What’s even weirder is when I was younger they disgusted me so much I used to cry over them, daily. But after years and years of weight gain/loss, having two children, and general wear and tear they really don’t bother me in the slightest. I’m not sure if the fact that I’m very over weight and jiggly means I have bigger fish to fry than stretch marks but I actually think they’re kinda cool.

They’re like silvery little tattoos that remind me of things, like the ones on my boobs I got when I was pregnant which child number one, it makes me think about how chuffed I was to have bigger boobs and how I breastfed our child, which is not something I had intended on doing it just happened, and it was so special and unexpected. The big deep ones around my belly button were from the same pregnancy and remind me of her growing bigger inside me until I looked like I was going to pop!

The smaller stretch marks that are around the big ones were from child number two, I was getting more and more over weight and this baby was massive so the stretch marks rippled all over. But I really didn’t care, I loved being pregnant and having a big baby belly. 

The stretch marks on my hips remind me of being a teenager and getting my curves. They remind me of how far I’ve come excepting myself and how I love myself so much more now. Even though I’m older and fatter and less attractive to the rest of the world, inside I’m stunning. And that’s all that matters.

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old 

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Positive things I have learnt from being fat 

I recently wrote a blog on the main things I hate about being over weight, but it’s not all doom and gloom so I thought it was important to share some positive things I have learnt along the way too. 
1. I have realised how much my boyfriend loves me 

I started with this as it’s a big one, and a lot of these points will revolved around him as he has done more for my self confidence than I ever thought possible from another human being. When we first met I wasn’t super skinny by any means but I was curvy and cuddley and rocked it. I drank and partied way too much but was a gym bunny and did look after myself as best I could at the time. After having our first child I hit the gym hard and started running again, getting my toned body back and dropping some of the chunk I had required after being pregnant. I was young and super insecure about myself, even though I looked great on the outside, inside I don’t think I’ve ever felt more unattractive. I had a warped sense of reality and what I looked like. I took it a tad too far and started really restricting my food and pushing my body too far while exercising, running until my legs shook. I started to loose my curves and my facial features looked huge. Everyone around me was worried for my health but all I could think about was if I just lost more weight I’d start looking better. I realise this is utter bull shit but at the time it made sense to me. As time went on a few things happened causing my weight to spiral up, in about a year my weight had ballooned and I was unrecognisable. But the most shocking thing of all to me, was that he still loved me. I’m trying not to cry while typing this because daily I was waiting for him to leave me. He didn’t sign up to be with a big blob and I thought it was just a matter of time until he admitted I was disgusting and that he found me unattractive and left. But that day never came. Even when I was an emotional wreck after baby number two he was by my side every step of the way. We still had our issues and arguments like every normal couple but he never complained about my weight or made me feel anything less than fucking beautiful. In fact I feel our love has grown more as the years have gone on, weight regardless. 

2. I have realised I am still sexy 

We have always had a booming sex life, there may be quiet times but in general we are dirty little pervs for each other. And being big hasn’t changed this, in fact I think our sex life is better than ever. Before i truly excepted my weigh gain I was hiding my body away from my boyfriend because I was convinced if he fully saw me naked in the light I would never see his dick hard again. Until one day I realised that even though I wasn’t parading myself naked around the house he still knew what I felt like naked which also meant he knew what I looked like naked. AND HE STILL WANTED ME. On a daily basis he tells me I’m beautiful and that he loves me, even when we are having sex he is showering me with compliments. Over time this really built my confidence up, which made me realise that being sexy isn’t about having the perfect body. It comes from within and knowing what to do with your body. Being genuinely confidant in bed is far more sexy than just looking the part. So now we take pretty much any opportunity to be naked!!! Theres always some form of light on while we’re doing the dirty, after being so shy and in the dark this was quite liberating. I do get moments of shyness with our more adventurous endeavours, but I can honestly say it has nothing to do with my weight. 

3.  I have realised am beautiful regardless of my weight

The perfect body does not make you beautiful, who you are is what makes you beautiful. When I was younger and I heard people saying that I thought ‘what a load of shit’ but it really is true. You can be the most beautiful perfect looking goddess, but if your cold nasty and selfish over time you will appear uglier and uglier. And of course it’s true the other way round too. 

4. I am kinder to people

I’m not saying I was ever overly nasty to people but I’m a lot more aware of others feelings. I mentioned in my Annoying things about being fat post that I have been surprised at how many dirty looks I get now I’m really over weight. So now I will go out of my way to make someone who looks uncomfy or self-conscious feel good. I might just smile warmly at them or if the timing is right compliment their hair or dress etc. I love seeing their face light up, and I can understand why they do. After having negative states all day it just takes one person to be nice to me to make me feel good again, like I’m human. 

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old 

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Annoying things about being fat 

I want to start this post by saying I realise being fat is my own doing, I am not under any illusion it’s anyone else’s fault or that life is ‘unfair’ because I’m over weight. Your life is what you make it and what you want it to be! Which is why I’m changing my life for the better and shifting this weight once and for all. So to motivate myself to keep going, and to keep away from the Easter eggs I thought I’d write down my top annoyances about being fat. I have lost over two stone but still have about 8 stone to go. So this post is from the perspective of someone who is very big, and how it effects my life.

 

1. Clothes

Apart from not being able to wear the clothes I really like, finding clothes my size is a nightmare. Very few shops stock my size and the ones that did are eradicating all plus size sections. Which means I have to order them online, which also means I need to order several sizes and styles as I have no idea what will fit or look good on my lump bumpy body. The choice could also be better,  just because I’m big does mean I don’t want to look good!! 

 

2. Chairs

Eugh chairs are the Bain of my existence and I’m sick to bloody death with them being a problem and missing out due to fear of not fitting or breaking something. Thankfully a chair has never buckled under my whale like weight, but I am guilty of slowly breaking garden chairs over time as they really arnt designed for someone as big as me. Recently I went to a friends house for a cuppa, when I saw her kitchen stools my heart sank as I knew there was no way they would take my weight, well they might of done but my faith in chairs is nonexistent. So like a knob I insisted on standing the whole time saying ‘no honestly I’m fine I prefer standing’ bless her I don’t think the chair issue would of even crossed her mind as she a healthy size but inside I was dying. I even ate lunch standing up. Out and about I have to look inside a cafe or restaurant before going in to check the seating situation, booths are my best friend! Don’t even get me started about the chairs at my children school for plays and performances. I either stand at the back or if I decide to brave a chair I’m leaning forward on my feet looking like I’m having a shit with the sweat pouring off of me in panic that it’ll break under me in front of everyone. Nothing is cute about that image. 

 

3. Being unaware of how much room I take up

This one is always really cringy, for example, I’m in a café having breakfast with my Mum. Its pretty packed and the tables are really close together, I need a wee so decide to brave it through the tables. I feel like a slinky snake thinking my two stone weight loss is paying off as I dart between the gaps with ease, one gap left to go, I quickly evaluated weither i’d fit or not. Feeling confidant I’ll fit I go for it, as i’m squishing through I realise I definatly don’t fit. The only reason I am getting through is because I’m  pushing both the ladies across the room while they’re still on their chairs, I was mortified. They were so sweet about it but holy hell I wanted to die with embarrassment. Another good example is fitting between wing mirrors in car parks, its gutting whenever im 100% sure I will fit and no matter what angle I try or how much I breath in. I simply wont fit, I feel like a walking fire hazard!!

 

4. The looks 

I think this is by far the worst thing on this list, the way some people look at me. To an extent I understand, I never in a million years thought I would become over weight (the story of that will come another time) and back in my skinny days I would look at people my size and think ‘dear god how did you let it get that far’ but now the shoe is on the other foot it really isn’t that fun. I was never nasty to anyone about their weight but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t look and judge. I get stared at a lot, and no it’s never in a positive way, more like someone looking at an animal in a zoo. I feel quite blessed I’ve never had a nasty comment or someone laugh at me but their eyes roaming my giant arse really says all they need to say. I have also found, since being bigger, a lot of people don’t smile back. This puzzles me as I’m a happy smiley person and would never not smile back at someone because of their weight. But it is the gods honest truth, people are far less friendly and far less willing to help. Not blowing my own horn but before the weight gain I was fit, healthy and attractive and I was used to a lot of male attention, not that I wanted it as I’m happy in my relationship of over 10 years, but male attention was a daily occurrence. Nowadays the only looks I get are kind of in disgust to be quite frank. I just find it strange as I know I’m a good person inside and I don’t see why my weight should effect how polite people are to me?
5. Weigh restrictions  

Last but not least we have weight restrictions. I don’t have a tonne of stories on this topic as I don’t put myself in the situations for this to be a problem very often. Although there is something that happened a few months ago that depressed me for days. As a family we were going to a local trampoline centre, it was myself my other half and our two children. My other half is a normal size who works hard on his body and he looks amazing. He was going to jump with the our kids. When I was a normal size I was really involved in these kinds of activities and was really out going. I had decided to surprise everyone by having a go and joining in, I was so excited as I knew they would all be happy I wasn’t going to be watching from the sidelines. When we arrived and got in the queue I was just about to tell my boyfriend that I was going to jump too when I saw a huge sign with the weight restriction, my heart sank as I realised I was too heavy. Not just a little bit too heavy, but about 4 stone too heavy. I didn’t even think my weight would of been an issue. There was no way I could jump as I would likely break something or seriously injure someone around me. So I plastered on a big smile and pretended everything was ok, and that I couldn’t wait to take photos and watch everyone have fun. It was a sad day for me inside, there was no way I was going to tell my family I was too fat to jump it was humiliating. This is actually what spurred me on to start loosing weight as I was sick of missing out. 

I’d love to hear what you hate about being over weight or what you’ve loved after loosing weight!! 

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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