This is a rather shockingly embarrassing story, it’s also quite gross but as this blog is totally anonymous I thought why not share!!
This particular morning I had just dropped my kids off with my mum for the night and was about to head over to help a customer with something. I would like to point out that I was trying to flush out my system and had drank 2 litres of water, as well as two coffees, before 9 o clock in the morning. This was my first mistake.
As my mum lives about half an hour away we met half way, by the time we finished chatting I needed a wee pretty bad. Mistake number two, instead of using the toilet a 3 min walk away from my car I chose the lazy route of holding it in until I got to my next destination.
So I’m bombing it down the motor way when it occurs to me I have a half hour drive ahead of me. I actually drove pretty near my house on the way, but mistake number three, I decided to keep holding on and drive past. Eugh, I’m an idiot!!!
About 10 minutes away from my destination I have never needed a wee so badly in my life, I’m jumping up and down in my seat trying desperately to hold it in. I’m sweaty, I’m dizzy, I’m in full on panic mode. I also realise that I am that desperate for a wee even if I found a toilet or a bush (yes I was that desperate I was prepaired to piss in public at 9.20 in the morning) I wouldn’t be able to move without leaking. I make the disgusting and shameful decision that when I reach my customers house I’ll drive to the bottom of her long private drive, roll out of the car and piss on the ground. I realise this is sick as fuck but at that point in time I’m not joking by saying it was my only option. I only bought my giant family wagon a few months ago and was not prepaired to ruin the seats just yet.
Every red light was Torture, every car in my way was driven by the devil, I was on the ultimate mission, I HAD to urinate on my customers driveway with out being caught but I was confidant I could pull this off. I was soooooo fucking wrong, soooo wrong. As I pull into my customers road I START PISSING MYSELF, I feel like I’m still holding it in but nope I was 100% weeing on my new car seat. This wasn’t just any wee, this was the biggest and longest wee of my life, I was in so much shock I rolled to a stop. Cars behind me were tooting but I physically couldn’t move. And the wee kept coming, cars were driving round me, some guy shouted dickhead out the window. But I was in a world of my own. I genuinely have no idea how long I sat there, in shock, staring at the road. But it was long enough for my customer to come out of her house and knock on my window to ask if I was going to sit there all day or come inside. Like a zombie I look her straight in the eyes and said ‘I have to go’ and just drive off. So professional I know.
When I arrived home before I leapt dripping, out of the car, I had to see if anyone was around. It appeared I had picked the one day half my neibours were out and not one, but two people were having there driveways done and there were builders everywhere! So I made my rain coat into a skirt and waddled inside, yes I got stares but I moved fast. It was then I realised how soaked I was, the wee had spread pretty much to the entirety of my leggings, as well as my socks. After changing and trying to wash the shame away I had to tackle the mess in the car.
With my kitchen roll, anti bac spray, bin bags and tea towels in hand I went back out, and to my horror there was not a tiny little wet patch, the whole seat was fucking soaking!!! It in fact was drenched. After trying to clear up as best I could (getting weird looks as I do so) I drive back to my customers house in a different outfit, one hour late sitting on about 12 tea towels and a black bag with my car stinking of piss. I then had to lie about where I had been saying I forgot my phone. Humiliating!!! Needless to say I’ve taken it down a notch with the water drinking and thank god it’s not happened again. Probably due to my permanent dehydration and fear of it happening again. I may of had two kids but 30 is too young for this kinda crap!!! Please tell me I’m not alone in this horror story?!
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old
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