Inspirational people on YouTube – Nikki Glamour 

As a YouTube fanatic there are tonnes of people I am subscribed to, one of these people being Nikki Glamour. She has a story time channel and has recently started a Q&A series. She also does the occasional makeup tutorial and challenge video. 

I do enjoy story time channels but I wouldn’t say there’s any creators I would look up to or concider a good role model to younger viewers. They can be highly entertaining but not necessarily people I would want my daughter idolising if you get my drift.

Nikki on the other hand I think is amazing. That girl has a moral compass she could patent and sell. Even when she was a younger teenager she stuck to the ‘girl code’, knew what was wrong and right and knew how to conduct herself. 

She’s had crazy ‘out of charactor’ times like everyone else and some of her stories are pretty out there so don’t expect a saint but she promotes self respect and love and demands respect from the opposite sex. This is something I really admire, I think Nikki got her shit together from a young age which is rare! I wish I could say the same. 

She comes across as passionate, funny, loyal, honest, feisty and someone who knows their own mind. She knows what she thinks and feels and doesn’t doubt herself for a second. That kind of confidence is admirable and a quality young viewers will hopefully learn from and take away from her stories. 

If you haven’t checked out her channel I would highly recommend it. She is also hilarious so if you want a giggle, she’s your girl.

Who do you love on YouTube I’d love to hear below!

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Still on track and what’s keeping me going!! 

It’s day 7 and I’m still on track!!! I’m in the zone, nothing can stop me!!! I am a dieting god slaying one fat cell at a time with my sword of cucumber, yellow pepper and wholemeal wraps.

Already I can feel a difference and my friend and other half have noticed random patches of fat on my body start to go down. 

The sun is keeping me happy and reminding me of what I would love to be wearing in the summer right now!! 

Only 5.5 weeks until my birthday night away and only 7.5 weeks until our little family holiday! If I can stay on track till then I know I will feel fantastic. No where near at my goal but like I said before, that’s ok. As long as I try my hardest from now until then I’ll be happy. 

After work I’m going to do another healthy food shop and stock up on the things that keep me on track. Tomorrow after work I’ll be going swimming.

I’ve not given in to temptation and I feel amazing for it. When I go off track I feel so shitty but today is positive central and I’m so determined to do this.

I don’t want to be stick thin, I just want to be able to go into a normal shop, grab a dress in my size and it fit. 

I’m sick of always being the biggest one.

I’m sick of being sweaty all the time in this heat, improving my fitness is helping but I’m still walking tap. 

I’m sick of being scared of chairs.

All these things are propelling me and keeping me going!

What inspires you to stay on track? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

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Inspirational people on YouTube- AfterPrisonShow 

Anyone who watches YouTube knows that you start watching one video and end up down the deep hole of randomness watching something completely different, that you didn’t know existed.

I recently discovered Joe on the AfterPrisonShow. After binge watching his videos I was compelled to write about him. 

His channel is all about being in prison. Joe was sentenced to 7.5 years when he was 18 years old for none violent drug charges. He was on a bad path, got caught, and has turned his negative experience into something positive. 

His videos are funny, entertaining and full of inside info. I’ve never been to prison and am not close to anyone that has so for me it was a sneak peek into a crazy intriguing world I know nothing about. He covers every topic you can think of in a humourus way, but there is a message behind his channel. 

It’s not to glamourise prison (I don’t think it does but I suppose everyone has a different perspective) it’s to show people how awful confinement can be. The living conditions, the rules, food, the people, the waste of a life. 

He says time and time again he spent most of his 20s locked up. When I think of all the amazing things that have happened to me in my 20s, I can’t imagine not having the opportunities that I have had. My babies, my man, my business, this little life I have made for myself. 

I understand joe was in there because of what he did, but still, that’s a huge chunk of this life gone. For a stupid mistake he made as a teenager. Then again without prison I don’t think he would be the man he is today.

Listening to him talk I found him so inspirational, now he’s older he sees the bigger picture and has chosen to better his life. I think that is something for a lot of people to really look up to.

On my blog, as well as to entertain and make people laugh, I hope by talking about the bad things that have happened to me in my life and how I got through those times, it might reach people who can relate and encourage them they can change their lives too. This is what joe is doing, trying to make a difference in people’s lives that might not be heading in a good direction. 

Joe comes across as REAL and genuine. He doesn’t sugarcoat things, he’s no angel, he doesn’t pretend to be. That is what I think makes him so relatable. He’s honest about the good and the bad, I highly recommend you go check out his channel.

So I’m going to end this the same way Joe does in every video… 

“Enjoy life, the free world, never take a moment for granted, And make the most of every day.


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200 followers!!! Wow!!

I had already decided I wouldn’t be writing about every milestone I hit with this blog, as I’m not doing it for that, but I am beyond ecstatic that 200 of you enjoyed what I’m writing enough to follow me! 

I have put my heart and soul into this blog, not setting myself specific guide lines of what to write about, just letting my creativity take me where it wants to go. 

I can’t tell you how much good it’s doing me. 

Talking about funny stories, painful issues from the past, my bipolar, family, weightloss, sex, the paranormal…, the list goes on. 

I’m amazed at the comments and interactions I’ve been having with you, hearing your stories, ideas and points of view had been amazing. There are so many beautiful people in the world and I feel like I’m getting to speak to so many of them! 

I feel like we’re creating a little community where any topic of conversation is allowed. Nothing is too much! I’m really hoping by sharing my stories and experiences it’ll help people who could be going through the same thing. I’ve been through a lot and what better way to turn it into a positive?! 

Thank you so much for all your love and support it means the world.

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What I learnt about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that changed my LIFE (please read if your struggling)

This is a follow on from My sexual assault, how it affected my life and who I got help for my PTSD where I went into detail about my past, this will make more sense to read that post first. In that post I mentioned that I got help for my PTSD. I didn’t realised I had PTSD until I went to my doctor, they referred me to get spealised therapy that would help. If I’m honest as I said before I thought I was past help, I couldn’t see how therapy would help as I constantly relived what happened to me and it had ruined so much of my life. How could anything make it better? 

My first appointment was to assess the extent of my PTSD and see if I was ready to face my demons and move on. The therapy itself, I was told, would be upsetting and intense as you have to go through every detail of what happened to you. 

Up until then I had only ever spoken about it to a few people and never in depth. It was only very recently I could even say the word ‘rape’ so I knew this would be horrific. After an hour of crying and talking, the therapist decided I was ready, and told me before I could have the therapy I had to attend a 6 week group workshop on what post traumatic stress disorder is and why my brain was doing what it was doing. 

My first reaction was no fucking way am I going to a group session, I don’t want to talk about it, full stop, let alone to a group of strangers. I was reassured that there were struck group rules that no one was to talk about what happened to them or ask anyone anything about their trauma. Even after the session we were walked to our cars so we couldn’t ‘befriend’ anyone in the group. After a lot of thought and encouragement from my other half and my friend I said I would go. 

Best decision of my life. 

There was so much we learnt that made something click in my head. What happened to me was in the past, but my brain still treated it as something that had just happened. This was because: 

Imagine your memories live in a giant linin cupboard, the sheets live with the sheets neatly folded at the top, the towels live with the towel on the shelf at the bottom etc. But your trauma memories is a giant duvet, and it doesn’t have a home. So everytime you try to put it away you ram it in there and push the door shut. Inevitably the cupboard will spring open and the duvet pops back out making you relive everything all over again. In other words, the memory wasn’t stored properly when it happened, hence why it doesn’t feel like a memory. 

This made so much sense to me and made me realise why I felt the way I did. This had a huge impact on me. The therapist also gave us techniques to bring us back to the right time zone when we woke up or we’re reliving the trauma. He suggested using essential oils and picking one scent to have with us at all times, the idea being over time you would recognise that smell as almost a “safe” smell to remind you everything is ok and where you are now. I told the group how I always read the last text I sent on my phone to bring me back which he thought was a great idea. 

After the course I had only one session with the therapist as that is all I felt I needed. It took time but i managed to put it all in my past and move on. I decided to write about this to help anyone going through something similar, you are never past the point of being helped. You deserve to be happy to move on.

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Weigh in update (second week back slimming world)

What a brilliant morning, I was up half an hour before the kids so I actually had time to wake up and weigh myself in peace! I’m doing slimming world from home as I don’t have time to go to a meeting. After four weeks off and gaining 8 pounds, last week I lost 7.5 pounds which I was tickled pink over. This week I lost 3 1/4 pounds!!!!! 

Happy is an understatement, this means if I can lose 2.5 pounds I’ll have lost 3 stone from my heaviest weight. If I loose another 4.5 pounds on top of the 2.5 pounds I’ll be looking at a number on the scale I’ve not seen in a good few years. 

Lots of motivational numbers I’m hoping will keep me going this week!!!! How has your weigh in gone this week?! I’d love to hear in the comments below! 

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Ways to improve your sex life-tip number four (embrace your body) 

Welcome to my sex tip series! Writing this has really made me think deeply about my sex life and what has attributed to how great it is even after being with my partner for over 10 years. As I said in a previous post, our sex life is better than ever. One big turn around was me embracing my body. This is quite a sensitive subject for a lot of women (and men I’m sure) and thinking about it I don’t know a single woman who is happy with her body. The Secret is you don’t have to be happy with it, to embrace it. Excepting who you are is liberating and really brings inner peace, trust me I would know. 

Up until the past couple of years I have HATED my body, there was NOTHING I liked about it. Although my parter told me he loved me and found me attractive, because I didn’t see it, I don’t think I really believed him. Even when I was slim, toned and curvy I found it hard to look at myself naked. Having several eating disorders in my life did not help, they made me hate myself even more, the more weight I lost the more the hatred grew. 

After gaining about 8/9 stone incredibly quickly due to starting anti psychotics then falling pregnant I was at an all time low. The hatred had turned into something so dark, I cringed at my own body, there are next to no photos of me after having or second child because I felt like a disgusting embarrassment to myself and my family. I was in this huge body that didn’t feel like mine and I had no idea how to turn it around. I wouldn’t go out incase someone I knew saw me, I should of been so happy to have been blessed with another healthy baby but I wasn’t. I didn’t want my partner to see me naked, let alone touch me. 

This isn’t a weight loss story by the way, I’m not going to say I lost all the weight and now I’m gorgeous and happy. Because that’s not what’s happened. Yes I have lost some of the weight but I have a loooooong way to go. What all changed for me was deep down my biggest fear was that no matter what size I was, I would never be happy. And that petrified me. I didn’t want to hate myself for the rest of my life, I wanted to like myself, fat or thin I’m still a good person and beautiful in my own way. Having a daughter helped me with this as the thought of her feeling how I did broke my heart. How could I teach her to truly love herself if I didn’t love myself? 

It took time and encouragement but I have excepted who I am. I still want to loose weight, but I’m doing it for my health. Not because I want to be ‘perfect.’ I’ve always thought I was fat, even when I was seriously under weight in my mind I was bigger than I am now. But I think from experiencing what being big really is, when I do get smaller, for the first time in my life, I will see what everyone else sees. My partner has always told me I’m gorgeous and beautiful and that he loves me, but now I believe him and KNOW it’s the truth. 

Even if at times I look in the mirror and think ‘God that’s not a flattering angle of my belly/bum/hips/tits/chins/arms/legs/back’ I am still beautiful, and I’m the same person I was before I got big. Since embracing my body our sex life has gone to another level, it’s so passionate and intense it brings the sun out of my storm cloud. I’m more than willing to try new things now, and when we do I’m not cringing and dying inside, or stopping and bursting into tears, or thinking ‘I’m fat and gross how the hell is he enjoying this’ I’m thinking about how gorgeous he makes me feel and I’m focused on the job at hand!! 

Once you see your beauty others will too, and even if you can’t see it doesn’t mean that others can’t! Being beautiful isn’t about having the perfect body, it’s everything about you. So next time you feel your not good enough, listen to your heart and know that you are. 

If you would like to catch up on the other tips in this series click the links below:

Tip one (honesty)

Tip two (don’t be selfish)

Tip three (make the time)
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