thesecretblogofa30yearold

Blogmas Day 8 (Bipolar break down after Christmas…breaking the cycle)

If you have been reading my blog for a while now, you’ll know I have bipolar. It’s not something I scream from the roof tops, not because I’m ashamed or embarrassed, but because I don’t want it to define me. I honestly think I cope so well (most of the time) because I have this attitude towards it.

Yes it is a huge part of me, but it’s not everything about me. It explains some of my past ‘pre medicated’ choices and actions, and my mood patterns and sometime odd behaviour or views, but I am far more than ‘that girl with bipolar.’ I have managed to build a relatively normal life for myself that I never thought I could have, I have 2 brilliantly clever creative children, I’ve built my own little business, I’m with Mr Secret Blog who I have been with for nearly 11 years, I pay my bills on time, I don’t really drink any more, I don’t take drugs (illegal ones anyway!!!) and I think I’m on a good path now.

However, there is one time a year when I truly crumble inside.

After Christmas.

As the years go on, having a mood disorder, I have noticed certain patterns in my mania and depressive side. Some of my ‘blips’ I struggle to find reason for, or explain. But after Christmas is THE WORST. I fall into that big black hole and I can’t find a way out. After years of this I really feel this year I’ve had an Epiphany and I’ve cracked the code.

During the Christmas season, mainly December, I’m so stressed. I stress over presents, money, childcare, seeing family, gaining weight, it’s my businesses busiest time of year I’m working back to back to fit everyone in….I could go on and on. I mentally store the stress up and up ‘getting on with it’ and trying to get through everything as quickly and efficiently as possible. After it’s all over, I just break, it’s like my mind has had enough of ‘coping’ and I’m burnt out.

This year I want to break the cycle. I’m more aware of the Christmas ‘blip’ than I have ever been before and I’m making a huge effort to stop this happening. I want to start the new year positively and not like a crazy person who’s struggling to function. So I’ve not stressed as much over presents, I’ve been better with keeping money back to buy the presents and I’m trying to take one day at a time. I’m almost detaching myself from the ‘over load’ part of my brain and taking deep breaths when I feel things are getting too much.

Another big thing I have done is to book myself onto a new beauty course in January. I LOVE training in new treatments it really interests me and I get very excited about expanding my business and what I offer. So doing something I love to do, at the worst time mentally, I’m hoping will keep my spirits up too.

Do you suffer around Christmas? Do you notice patterns in your behaviour? I would love to hear in the comments below!!

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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Image from Mental healthy

56 comments

  1. I don’t have an excuse, but I find it really difficult at home at Christmas. Two weeks spending lots of time with someone I struggle to get along with, plus the kids who are great. I worry about what will and what could happen in those two weeks.

    January blues are part of all of our lives. Love the training idea. Am going to ask for a gratefulness journal for Christmas. This I am looking forward to filling xxx

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  3. I’m the same with getting overly stressed out, bottling everything up, overdoing things and then struggling afterwards with the come-down and burn out and emotional downslide. I think it’s great you’ve recognised the pattern and have yourself booked on the January course as I think sometimes something solid to work for and look forward to after Christmas would be really helpful. I’d certainly say to make time to relax, de-stress, to not overdo things, to put your own health and mental health first this Christmas. And don’t be too hard on yourself either, you’re doing amazingly well and all you can do is keep trying, and hopefully this year you’ll break the cycle and not struggle as much. Sending hugs your way xx
    Caz

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  6. I definitely react to stress and swing after events that stress me out. I posted that I did after Thanksgiving, and I can generally expect to swing after Christmas as well. I will note, though, that my swing can be either manic or depressed; I don’t just tend to swing depressed after a stressor. 🙂

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  7. When I was at uni, the first years away from family, I would just eat as much chocolate as there was in my room and feel nauseated afterwards. I think the most important thing for me was to recognize the pattern. Once you do that, finding a solution is easier. In my case, I stopped bringing the chocolate left from home to my apartment and slept more instead. It will always be a tough period, I think that your idea of booking beauty classes is pretty awesome!

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  11. Hey… thank you for sharing your story. I felt so alone in feeling sad and lonely. It’s even worse because I’m surrounded by my loving family. But my mind is on,y showing me dark sides of everything…. 😦

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  12. I’ve had my bipolar diagnosis since 13 years old and they called t depression from 10 until 13 so I’ve been working on controlling myself a long time. I love how you’ve articulated your challenge without being defined by it, that’s exactly how i feel. Around this time of year i used to get really stressed. I’ve got 3 kids myself and the same challenges you’ve got mirrored my own. I’ve been doing God’s and meditation the last 3 years and around this time of tear i dedicate more time, even if it’s late at night or early morning , to my meditation practice. I also, like you, focus less on the gifts and focus on the joy that can be experienced by living in the moment with your family and close friends. Thanks so much for sharing your story

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  13. I was talking to a councillor a few years back and happened to mention I had bipolar, next thing he ran away!!! Literally ran and I never saw him again.

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  14. Thank you so much for sharing. I had my first (diagnosed) manic episode right after New Years. I always get extremely depressed around the holidays because my mom passed away on December 22 when i was 10 years old. I totally get the stress of the holiday.

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