If you have been reading my blog for a while now, you’ll know I have bipolar. It’s not something I scream from the roof tops, not because I’m ashamed or embarrassed, but because I don’t want it to define me. I honestly think I cope so well (most of the time) because I have this attitude towards it.
Yes it is a huge part of me, but it’s not everything about me. It explains some of my past ‘pre medicated’ choices and actions, and my mood patterns and sometime odd behaviour or views, but I am far more than ‘that girl with bipolar.’ I have managed to build a relatively normal life for myself that I never thought I could have, I have 2 brilliantly clever creative children, I’ve built my own little business, I’m with Mr Secret Blog who I have been with for nearly 11 years, I pay my bills on time, I don’t really drink any more, I don’t take drugs (illegal ones anyway!!!) and I think I’m on a good path now.
However, there is one time a year when I truly crumble inside.
As the years go on, having a mood disorder, I have noticed certain patterns in my mania and depressive side. Some of my ‘blips’ I struggle to find reason for, or explain. But after Christmas is THE WORST. I fall into that big black hole and I can’t find a way out. After years of this I really feel this year I’ve had an Epiphany and I’ve cracked the code.
During the Christmas season, mainly December, I’m so stressed. I stress over presents, money, childcare, seeing family, gaining weight, it’s my businesses busiest time of year I’m working back to back to fit everyone in….I could go on and on. I mentally store the stress up and up ‘getting on with it’ and trying to get through everything as quickly and efficiently as possible. After it’s all over, I just break, it’s like my mind has had enough of ‘coping’ and I’m burnt out.
This year I want to break the cycle. I’m more aware of the Christmas ‘blip’ than I have ever been before and I’m making a huge effort to stop this happening. I want to start the new year positively and not like a crazy person who’s struggling to function. So I’ve not stressed as much over presents, I’ve been better with keeping money back to buy the presents and I’m trying to take one day at a time. I’m almost detaching myself from the ‘over load’ part of my brain and taking deep breaths when I feel things are getting too much.
Another big thing I have done is to book myself onto a new beauty course in January. I LOVE training in new treatments it really interests me and I get very excited about expanding my business and what I offer. So doing something I love to do, at the worst time mentally, I’m hoping will keep my spirits up too.
Do you suffer around Christmas? Do you notice patterns in your behaviour? I would love to hear in the comments below!!
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old
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Image from Mental healthy