thesecretblogofa30yearold

Omg what a week so far…( be prepared for over sharing ⚠️ )

If you are an avid reader of my blog you’ll know I share pretty much every embarrassing disgusting detail of my life. The things that most people wouldn’t even whisper to a soul I write down for you lovely people. So far this week has been interesting to say the least, actually ‘interesting’ is the wrong work. ‘Eventful’ might be a better

one?!

A while ago I wrote on a blog about Wetting myself in my car (yes I know I have no shame) I really didn’t think I could top that story on a gross level. But low and behold Monday morning I topped it. I bet everyone could secretly relate to this story, if you do, be brave and comment below, it’ll make me feel less like an animal.

On Sunday evening I tried a new recipe, it was delicious. I was thinking of sharing it on my blog but wasn’t sure if it would be of interest? Again, comment below. Any way, the next morning I had the shits, the runs, the jappy crappy….what ever you want to call it I had a dodgy tummy. I got what I thought was most of it out of my system before walking the school run, by the time I got back I felt a lot better. I made myself a coffee and went in my back garden for a cigarette. As I was enjoying my guilty pleasures I needed to fart…(I think you know what’s coming) to my relief it was just a tiny gassy bubble of a fart. A few moments passed and I realised to chair I was sitting on was soaking, I frowned at myself thinking ‘how could I not of noticed this before I sat down?’ As I stood up I had the sinking realisation…that it was not water I was sitting in. It was bright orange watery poop. Yes boys and girls, I had sharted in my garden at 9.15 in the morning. If you don’t know what that is, it is a shit and a fart all at the same time. Beautiful!

Later on that day I took a sip of a boiling hot coffee that burnt my lip, which made me jump, causing myself to throw the rest of the cup down my boobs. Another beautiful moment!

Yesterday I started weeing like a race horse and my back was a bit achey. I thought I might be coming down with a cold or something. Later on that evening my wee’s became super painful and I was in agony. Today I went to the doctors as I couldn’t take the pain any more and turns out I have a really bad urine infection. The first time in my 30 years I have ever had one! Thankfully the antibiotics are kicking in and I’m feeling a bit better already.

So what do you think will happen to me tomorrow?! It’s parents evening so anything is possible!!! On a good note I am still loosing weight, I’m at 11.5 pounds now and still walking as much as I can. I’m in a really good routine with it! How’s your week going?! I would love to hear in the comments below!

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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44 comments

  3. 🎵 “I’m a shartin in ma garden at 9 am, doo dee do. Thought it was a lil’ rain puddle, but oh no!” 🎵
    Oh, man I am sleep deprived and on some not good meds over here! I’m not offended if you need to delete that 😜

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  4. Any blog post that talks about sharting is going to be epic – it just seemed like it was one of those days that anything that could go wrong went wrong! Glad you made it out the other end in (no pun intended) haha!

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  9. Yeah! 😂👏👏👏💗. No you’re definitely not alone 😁. I have 2 posts on my “other” blog (Who Loves Kitty) that fit the animal bill: one is a “belch list” (much like the famous “sh*t list” lol), and the other is “farts are funny”, at the beginning of which I apologize anonymously to the first class cabin of American Airlines Flight 6035. Seriously, there’s an art (and a science) to disguising your (loud) gas-passing by attempting to synchronize its frequency with that of the aircraft engines lol (Top Secret: I failed. Miserably.) 😂😂😂

    Bodily functions and moments of shame are big comedy hits in my family lol 😉😂❤️

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  11. What a week! It happens to all of us. Hot dogs give my husband the runs. For me, my week is going well. I haven’t had any evening meetings or commitments at all this week, which means I’ve been able to eat dinner with my husband every night, and relax. We’re watching the reboot of The Mummy with Tom Cruise tonight!

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  12. My husband called me the other night before he got off of work, which never happens because he’s a technician and always running around. So I answered and said “Are you alright?” He immediately responded ‘no’ and my heart was in my throat and I’m imagining all kinds of things. I asked him what happened. “I shit my pants. I couldn’t hold it. It just came out …” I bit my lip to try to not laugh. I told him that it was okay, it happens. I told him I’ve done it myself. “Oh yeah? When?” …. like when I was seven, on the way home from the bus stop. It was a very squishy one mile walk home.

    The bathroom smelled like the toilet exploded from every neighboring home while he was in the shower, and his dirty drawers were on the floor in a heap of smelly.

    Welcome to your 30’s!!!

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  13. Girl haven’t you ever heard the saying, “never trust a fart” hahaha Let me know when you are walking through a large grocery store and just poop all over yourself, or on a highway, no bathroom in sight, on an 8 hour drive, pulled over and can’t make it to the woods. Yeah my friend, that’s where I have been for the past few MONTHS. Those are just TWO of the daily 2 to 3 times this has been happening to me for the past few months. Turns out it’s a medicine I take, and I only take one so it was easy to narrow down. I told you it’s been hectic and why I have been absent. Now you know why 😉

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      • You weren’t being a brat or moaning. Hey it’s better now, I quite taking the meds. It took about a month but my innards got straighten out. Now just back and forth with insurance because they don’t want to pay for the brand name med. They want me to deal with the generic, and the crapping. 😂

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      • I was taking the generic form of valium. They put me on one, side effects were migraines and it made me feel like crap physically, flu like symptoms but I took it for years because it was better than feeling like I was going to have a heart attack 24 hours a day, 100 to 140 beats per minute ALL the time plus all the other things that happen to you when your body is doing that. But my insurance dropped that pharmacy and I had to go to a different one. This pharmacy’s generic was by a different manufacturer. It made me have “vivid dreams” and no control over my bowels. No warning, wouldn’t even know I had went until I smell it. I don’t know why they called it “vivid dreams” because my son was staying over, and found me in the kitchen over the stove, getting ready to cook, yet I was dead a sleep. But they feel all that is acceptable LOL.

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      • Omg lol that so scary!!! Isn’t it crazy how different branded tablets can effect you in such crazy different ways?! I have different branded meds pretty much every time I get my prescription, I won’t if that makes a difference in how I am?! Xxx

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      • That is terrible, I HATE when medical issues are dealt with by ‘some guy with a form.’ My friend is off work due to a long term illness so she has to go for medical to prove she’s ill for certain benefits. The main benefit medical is done by someone who isn’t medically trained!!! They only tick yes or no boxes it’s disgusting, my poor friend always has to appeal, they are awful xxxx

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      • I know how emotionally destroying it can be going through it year after year, it breaks her heart they doubt her. She LOVED working, as she says, why would she choose to live like this if she didn’t have to?! Gets me so cross that I know so many people who fiddle the system and don’t work but could. Then you get someone like my friend (and u) who is genuinely poorlie has to fight for it. Sad times xxxx when I earn my millions I’ll take care of u both lol

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