If you are an avid reader of my blog you’ll know I share pretty much every embarrassing disgusting detail of my life. The things that most people wouldn’t even whisper to a soul I write down for you lovely people. So far this week has been interesting to say the least, actually ‘interesting’ is the wrong work. ‘Eventful’ might be a better
A while ago I wrote on a blog about Wetting myself in my car (yes I know I have no shame) I really didn’t think I could top that story on a gross level. But low and behold Monday morning I topped it. I bet everyone could secretly relate to this story, if you do, be brave and comment below, it’ll make me feel less like an animal.
On Sunday evening I tried a new recipe, it was delicious. I was thinking of sharing it on my blog but wasn’t sure if it would be of interest? Again, comment below. Any way, the next morning I had the shits, the runs, the jappy crappy….what ever you want to call it I had a dodgy tummy. I got what I thought was most of it out of my system before walking the school run, by the time I got back I felt a lot better. I made myself a coffee and went in my back garden for a cigarette. As I was enjoying my guilty pleasures I needed to fart…(I think you know what’s coming) to my relief it was just a tiny gassy bubble of a fart. A few moments passed and I realised to chair I was sitting on was soaking, I frowned at myself thinking ‘how could I not of noticed this before I sat down?’ As I stood up I had the sinking realisation…that it was not water I was sitting in. It was bright orange watery poop. Yes boys and girls, I had sharted in my garden at 9.15 in the morning. If you don’t know what that is, it is a shit and a fart all at the same time. Beautiful!
Later on that day I took a sip of a boiling hot coffee that burnt my lip, which made me jump, causing myself to throw the rest of the cup down my boobs. Another beautiful moment!
Yesterday I started weeing like a race horse and my back was a bit achey. I thought I might be coming down with a cold or something. Later on that evening my wee’s became super painful and I was in agony. Today I went to the doctors as I couldn’t take the pain any more and turns out I have a really bad urine infection. The first time in my 30 years I have ever had one! Thankfully the antibiotics are kicking in and I’m feeling a bit better already.
So what do you think will happen to me tomorrow?! It’s parents evening so anything is possible!!! On a good note I am still loosing weight, I’m at 11.5 pounds now and still walking as much as I can. I’m in a really good routine with it! How’s your week going?! I would love to hear in the comments below!
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old
X X X X X
Image quote from Paul Green http://www.QuoteHD.com