People not recognising me-weight loss update?! (over weight)

***Hello you lovely people, I was meant to post this last weekend but it’s been crazy hectic so I’m posting it today***

It’s Saturday again, therefore I’m sitting in that shitty cafe while waiting for my daughter to finish gymnastics (link) thankfully the cafe have seemed to have employed a grown up now so it’s been less stressful! Today I wasn’t sure what to write about, while I was staring at my phone reading all my draft post ideas a situation occurred.

A man sat at the table opposite me, a huge giant veiny muscle man. As I glanced up I realised I knew this giant man. He was from my home town, as teenagers we knew each other and had the same friends. All my female friends fancied him, I suppose he is what you would call ‘universally good looking’ but he never floated my boat. As friendly as he was there wasn’t much going on between his ears, if you get what I mean. And he was far too nice and ‘mainstream’ not at all what I was into at 16!!!

As I got older and moved to the next town over I bumped into him one day while walking my daughter to nursery. He told me he was working at nearby school and was having his lunch. We had a chat and that was that. I saw him every day on the way to nursery for the next year. He asked me out for a drink once, which bless him but was rather cringy! I politely turned him down saying I had a boyfriend but thank you anyway. Even if I didn’t have a boyfriend there was no way I would of had a drink with him, I’ve never seen him in that way.

I would like to point out now that up until this point I was a healthy weight, maybe a few pounds over or under, but overall an average weight. 7 years later I’m sitting here DOUBLE the size. My first thought was ‘oh god please don’t start talking to me, I really can’t be bothered with a conversation right now I’m trying to write.’ But as the minutes ticked by, he had glanced over, but I realised he had no idea who I was. I was relieved, hiding in my fat suit was the best disguise in the world.

People who had know me for two thirds of my life no longer recognised me.

It’s a blessing and a curse. I’m happy as it’s plain embarrassing seeing people from the past when you don’t look your best. But at the same time it’s actually quite sad. I’ve pushed my body shape to the point I look like a different person, people who don’t know me, don’t see ME, they see a ‘big lady.’ That in itself is sad.

I know this is true as that’s how I used to see people like me, as hard as it is to admit that, it makes me sound so shallow, but I didn’t think it nastily, it was more feeling sorry for people and a lack of understanding. I would see people my size now, and think ‘How on earth could you let it get that bad? Why would you not of started loosing weight when you put on the first couple of stone? How could you let yourself get that big?’ And I hate myself for judging people like that.

Now I am on the other side it’s not where near as black and white as I used to see it.

After months of binging and feeling like crap, I decided last Wednesday enough is enough and I’m back on my healthy eating. I feel so much better already. My main reason for trying to loose weight this time round is my body is tiered. It’s tiered from carrying this huge weight, my feet hurt, my joins are aching and clicking. After sitting down it take a few minutes for my feet and ankles to warm up again so I’m not in pain. I’m doing this to myself and I have to stop. Where will it end if I don’t? I have a busy life I’m always here there and everywhere, but what happens when I get to the point I can’t do that any more? That my body is so heavy I can barely move. No, that’s not going to happen. I need to reign this in now before it gets any worse. I was 3 stone off my heaviest weight, now I’m only one stone off my heaviest. Which sucks, I worked so hard to loose it and I’ve thrown it all away.

I’ve been walking everywhere I possibly can and sticking to my healthy eating plan. I lost 6.5 pounds this week which I was so happy with, but even better than that my fitness is improving and I’m feeling so much better mentally. When I eat shit, I feel shit. It’s as simple as that.

I’d love to hear how your all doing?! After a week off I’m back in the blogging game.

Lots of love

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

X X X X X

69 comments

  1. I have to watch my weight as I have a thyroid condition the interactive kind. I have binge days then kick my ass verbally and go back to my slimming world diet, though not the meetings. It can be tiring and soul destroying. I walk a lot, not being a sporty person, walking is my only exercise except swimming and I only do that in the late spring and summer. Walking briskly or steady is my only preferred form of exercise. So I have to watch what I eat.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hey! Way to go! I have trouble too. I am making healthier life choices but it’s slow going on the weight loss. I have to remind myself, the healthy lifestyle is a marathon, not a sprint…which is good because I hate running… Keep going! That’s Great news!!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I understand everything that’s written here and can sympathise with the lot. For me it’s looking at old photos with friends whereas now I can’t bare people taking any photos of me.
    I remember thinking when I first started gaining weight again that I’d go on a diet soon and just never doing it. I’d eat what I wanted and the trimmings all the time and suffered the consequences!

    I’m sure you’ll do amazing, plus it’s the right time of year as Oct and Nov go a bit quiet before the mad Christmas rush.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m reading a Jodi Picoult fiction story about the Holocaust called The Story Teller. She explains the other route where people in the camps are unrecognizable because they are so thin their ribs stick out and cheeks are sunken in and they find a morsel of bread in the mud and fight over it. She writes a powerful story. Nice to see you’re back. You don’t look like you’ve gained an ounce. Looking good from here.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m doing good. I applaud you for losing the weight. I was doing it too but I have become disillusioned. I am not losing fast enough for my liking. I took a break from seeing my nutritionist. I will go back to it in a little while. For now I just need a little break. xx

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Wow! this is encouraging, I’ve been avoiding losing some kgs but i’m encouraged by your post, i guess that crappy food is truly sweet but as you say, it makes a person feel like crap, I’ll try, to cut off some of these sweet food hopefully lose some unwanted weight. Thanks

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I relate to almost everything you just said. My Weight had ballooned up until I was almost twice my normal weight, and in February I finally decided it was time to get serious and get back down to a healthy weight. I am almost halfway to my goal now, so I still have a long way to go, but I feel so much better! Good luck with your goals, 6.5 lbs in one week is great!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Never feels good when there are moments that make you feel ashamed of where your health has gone. I know the feeling all too well. Especially when you make progress and fall off, like I have!

    For me, my plateau is at the 300lb mark. Twice now, I’ve stopped there. This time, it will be different.. Keep it up!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I’m so proud of you! Weight loss and weight maintenance is a struggle for many. I’ve watched my weight increase by about 30 pounds since graduating from college in 2011. But, I’ve tried really hard to be as active as possible since I have a sedentary job (working at a computer). My husband and I strive to go to the local gym every weekday morning before we head to work. Weight loss is truly a lifestyle change. Little changes make a big difference. For me, I’m trying to stay as healthy as possible before we start a family – Better body, better pregnancy(ies).

    Liked by 2 people

  10. It’s been five weeks since I started physiotherapy, and it’s been the kick in the ass I needed. I’ve lost 3 kilograms, which to be fair, is fuck all by all accounts, but to me it’s a major loss. In five weeks I’ve gone from walking a maximum of 300 metres before stopping to rest my hips and back, and catch my breath to walking two and a half kilometres without stopping, without needing to catch my breath and only feeling a mild aching in my hips. I’m ecstatic, my physio is chuffed and my boyfriend is…. well, he’s a bloke… he doesn’t get it. 😀 I have osteo-arthritis, so it’s not been easy, but the physiotherapy is helping immensely to soften the stiff muscles and get rid of the tension from constantly being in pain, which I’m not anymore. I even managed a lie-in this weekend, until 10.45am.! \o/ Woohoo.!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I’ve been very fortunate in weight loss this past year. I lost my appetite when my husband passed away in July of 2016 and my stomach capacity is about half of what it used to be. I’ve dropped 97 lbs. Part of it is I quit drinking soda (diet soda included) and I don’t eat much sweets. I eat pretty much whatever I want though. I am still seriously overweight but I can do so much more now.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Life has an interesting way of bringing our attention to the things that we’d rather not think about. To be honest, I wouldn’t recognize me in a cafe… In my head I’m younger, thinner… and a lot more fun to be around! HA HA HA HA HA HA Love your blog! Thanks for sharing. – Karen

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Bravo to you!! And everything you wrote really resonates — especially (sadly) hiding in your “fat suit.” What a great way to put it. I know what you mean.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I too have struggled with weight-loss. I’m 28 years old and weigh much more than I did back in high school. I no longer live in my hometown, but when I occasionally visit to go see my mother, I often see someone I knew from back in the day and sometimes I try avoid being noticed because of how self-conscious I feel that I weight a bit more than I did. Weight-loss is definitely a hard journey and it’s crazy how hard it is to lose that weight, yet it’s so easy to gain it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I totally relate to that! I’m one town over and I HATE having to go to my home town!! If someone is having a birthday night out there I refuse to go lol it’s too embarrassing 🙈 I’m doing so crappy atm, I’ll loose a good chunk then it goes out the window n I put it all back on. I have millions of reasons too loose weight but I just can’t get my head in the game. I need a good slap!!!! Xxx

      Like

  15. Hey! This is a really interesting experience. Thanks for sharing.

    As for your weight loss journey, I wish you the best of luck. You can do this! You are strong! If you need motivation, let me know!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s