Why do bumps in my life make me feel like I’m drowning? 


I noticed a crack in the floor, a tiny black crevice slowly opening. As I peered down to look closer, the ground beneath me started shifting…my heart pounding faster and faster as I watched the tiny crack burst open into a huge swirling black vortex. Sucking every inch of life out of me, my soul floating away from my body, my heart disappearing…the sky turned black…there was no way out. The air so thick with despair I could hardly breath, it filled my throat and my lungs, slowly suffocating me. My heart palpitating and the world I knew and loved had gone. It was all over.

Whenever bumps in the road come my way, this is how I feel. It’s like I’m drowning and there’s no way to escape. Nothing will ever be ok again, I will never feel happy again, time will stand still forever in this shit pit. 

So I made a continuous decision, I wasn’t going to swirl in the black hole of dramatic despair, I was going to beat the living fuck out the of black hole and climb out. I’ve got to stop this destructive pattern. It doesn’t happen all the time, but I can’t let stress and worry ruin my life.

I closed up the hole of doom, it’s still under my feet, I can feel it under the carpet. But as the days goes on I’m climbing higher and higher above it. I’m distracting myself as much as possible and refusing to fall down. It breaks my heart being in that hole and I’ve had enough. 

I’ve never tried this angle before, I’ll keep you posted how I’m getting on, I’m at the point I have to try something, anything to stop me feeling like this. 

I hope your all well.

Lots of love

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

X X X X X 

Advertisements

56 comments

    • Thank u Hunni that’s so nice of u! I used the write poetry when I was younger but haven’t for a long time! It’s not my usual style of writing but I was feeling sorry for myself and sick of hiding how I was feeling so poured my heart out on here! Xxxx

      Like

  1. The old saying; When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. And also, maybe look around to see what’s down there that keeps pulling. You can’t fight what you don’t know. I know you don’t like Harry Potter, but until he can speak the name Voldemort and face him head on he’ll never be free of him. Rock On…stay strong

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This experience is very relatable, especially to those of us who struggle with mood disorders … and you’re doing us all a service by writing so openly and honestly about it. Not only does it make those of us who are struggling (or who have struggled) feel less alone, but it helps to destigmatize the struggle.

    I didn’t think your language was excessively dramatic at all, by the way–as writers, we often employ literary devices to evoke experiences for our readers. You’ve done a great job evoking the feeling you’re describing, here, which will help people understand it better.

    Anyway, in short: Thanks! And also, I’ll be looking forward to reading more of your blog as you continue writing.

    Also, I really love Eric’s comment–like you said, so wise!

    Like

  3. It is difficult. Being with my grandson on an unbelievable bad day of occurrences we decided the old saying sometimes holds true, life sucks and then you die. Try to keep a sense of humor when everything seems to be going downhill.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s