I noticed a crack in the floor, a tiny black crevice slowly opening. As I peered down to look closer, the ground beneath me started shifting…my heart pounding faster and faster as I watched the tiny crack burst open into a huge swirling black vortex. Sucking every inch of life out of me, my soul floating away from my body, my heart disappearing…the sky turned black…there was no way out. The air so thick with despair I could hardly breath, it filled my throat and my lungs, slowly suffocating me. My heart palpitating and the world I knew and loved had gone. It was all over.
Whenever bumps in the road come my way, this is how I feel. It’s like I’m drowning and there’s no way to escape. Nothing will ever be ok again, I will never feel happy again, time will stand still forever in this shit pit.
So I made a continuous decision, I wasn’t going to swirl in the black hole of dramatic despair, I was going to beat the living fuck out the of black hole and climb out. I’ve got to stop this destructive pattern. It doesn’t happen all the time, but I can’t let stress and worry ruin my life.
I closed up the hole of doom, it’s still under my feet, I can feel it under the carpet. But as the days goes on I’m climbing higher and higher above it. I’m distracting myself as much as possible and refusing to fall down. It breaks my heart being in that hole and I’ve had enough.
I’ve never tried this angle before, I’ll keep you posted how I’m getting on, I’m at the point I have to try something, anything to stop me feeling like this.
I hope your all well.
Lots of love
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old
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