Feeling huge at the cinema *insecure*

I had a treasured date night with my other half last night, my wonderful mother had the kiddies over night and we went to see the new Conjuring Annabelle film as we love scary movies.  There is an awesome cinema which is a 20 minute drive from our house that instead of having the tiny ‘up right’ seats it has luxurious giant leather recliners. The tickets are a bit pricey but for a date night it’s well worth the price. As well as the seats being super comfy, I don’t feel like a whale squished in a cage sitting in one. I recline the chair all the way and cosy in!

Every time we have been there’s been no one either side of us and it’s like we’re the only ones there. I’m bigger than Mr SecretBlog but I never feel massive next to him, we’ve been together a long time and I know he loves me regardless so my size isn’t a big deal in those situations. We arrived at the cinema, slightly dressed up for a Tuesday night I must say, we managed to get the last two seats at the showing. I was relieved we actually got seats but I was a bit gutted there would be people either side of us. 

No snogging or canoodling in the back row for us!

When we found our seats I realised I was sitting next to the most petite girl I think I have even seen in my life. No problem, I’m not on her lap, I have my own seat, not an issue. When I sat down I got into full reclining position, chatting with my love and feeling all cute…but  I couldn’t help but look over. 

I really wish I hadn’t.

The chair was like a sofa to her. She had her huge handbag on the seat as well as her legs up! She had so much room. When I looked down at myself I realised my body took up every inch of the chair and was piled up like a mountain. I kept my bag on my lap like a comfort blanket but it still made me feel crappy. 

I realise this has nothing to do with the tiny girl, it’s all my own issues, but it was another reminder of how big I really am. 

I haven’t spoken about my ‘weight loss’ in a while as it has been none existent. I’ve been eating shit and feeling shit. I decided after getting back from holiday it was time to try again and shift this weight once and for all. This was yet another reminder that when I’m out in the ‘real world’ I’m not just a bit over weight. I’m really over weight. And it’s got to change. 

Can you relate to cinema feelings of crappiness? I would love to hear in the comments below.

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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  1. I feel this, so hard. I have put on 125 pounds since my now husband and I got together. I didn’t even realize I had gained it. 😩 Gaining weight, piece of cake (pun intended). Losing it, well Christ that’s an entirely different subject. Good luck in finding your happiness with your body. Everyone says, “love the skin your in”. Of course, love yourself. My problem is I’m not healthy, and that’s an issue. Fat girl over here likes Carbs. And lots of them!

    Anyways, sorry this is a super long comment. But, I just want you to know you’re not alone. Have a beautiful day/evening.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I loved this comment thank u for taking the time to write it!! The scales are scary af and when I realised how much I had put on, you could of knocked me over with a feather!!!!! Doubled in size, it’s so daunting to try and loose that much weight but I’ve got to try xxxx

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I definitely have felt this way at the theatre. And worse when travelling on a train or plane. It really, really sucks, and makes me so self conscious. Aside from my health, that has been one of the motivating factors for me…I’ll be flying in February and I don’t want to feel that awful feeling again.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I use to compare my thighs all the time to my peers. I’d look down and think how can mine be so comically large?! But it didn’t go away when I was skinny either. I’d think to myself ‘curse these ham thighs of mine!’, but they were and are always fine. Confidence isn’t physical but a state of mind, you’re fine as you are SecretBlog!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I think most people can relate. I compare myself to 20 year olds…and I’m 40 😳 btw my husband and I love horror too. We got married on Friday the 13th – and this Annabelle is awesome isn’t it!?!! Can’t wait for the new Halloween- IT doesn’t hold much promise though.

    That girl has her own insecurities- we all do. Maybe she was jealous of your hair. Maybe she thinks she’s too small…but you’re both probably great people. It’ll pass, it’ll happen again.

    I love the blog, keep being you. 🤗

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh yes, no matter how perfect others seem everyone comp and has something they don’t like! I’m so pleased your enjoying my blog a lot goes into it 😊 omg the new IT movie looks petrifying! I’m not a fan of clowns so I’m sure it’ll creep me out lol or it’ll just b stupid and silly xxx


  5. So sweet to hear about date night. Your hubby sounds wonderful.

    I can relate to weight gain, eating like shite, feeling like shite and being self conscious. I always compare myself to those around me…usually their weight, body shape, hair. We do have to stop doing it as it seems all of us do. We need to accept that we are all different sizes and shapes and we are all beautiful the way we were made.

    I gained quite a bit of weight from a medication and it’s been hard for me. Previous to this I lost a bunch and was feeling slim and trim. Now I’m back “curvier” than before but I’m thinking about LOL…thinking….starting to do some walking.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Medication was my downfall too! I didn’t think it was possible for my body to be this big! He is wonderful about my weight, if it wasn’t for him loving me like he does I have no idea how I would of coped with the doubling in size! I’m also thinking about walking it really helps! I just need the kick up the bum to do it lol xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I have the same problem. Theatre chairs are for skinny bints not for 230+ lbs of pure voluptuousness that needs to be squeezed in, and pulled out like a cork. Thankfully, we too have huge reclining chairs in the cinema with loads of leg room, so I don’t feel like an elephant, and my favourite bar has ‘man-sized’ bar seats, so my ass doesn’t overflow over the edges. I’ve tried every dumb diet going, from the low carbs, low fat, low sugar, high protein diets to the Atkins, Smoothie, Weight Watchers, Slimming World diets. And yet I continue to gain weight. So I gave up… the big guy loves his cuddly goddess, and his is the only opinion I care about.

    Have you seen the VR Experience trailer for IT.? It’s scary af. I want to see it, but I want to be allowed to take my cushion with me to hide behind. 😀 I hope it’s not coming out in 3D, or I’ll be shrieking like a little girl. LOL xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m trying to get back into slimming world again but it’s so hard, I used to find loosing weight so easy now it’s my Everest! Being a cuddly goddess does make me feel better bout it all 😜 our sex life has never been better ironically lol.

      Omg I’ve seen the trailer for IT it looks petrifying!! lol I’ll come with u and we can take it in turns being each other’s cushions 😂 not seen the VR one though! Xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I do have body image issues, although my brain knows that I have a healthy BMI, etc., My problem is knowing that I’ve gained 30 pounds since graduating from college just six years ago. I know that my husband loves my curves and helps me appreciate my body, but I still struggle. Part of the problem is my full-time job is behind a desk, and my future career aspirations (medical coder and a paralegal) are also desk jobs. I know that my metabolism has slowed down. I’m trying my hardest to get fit before we start having kids! My husband struggles with his weight as well – He’s openly admitted that he’s fat, but he will not go to the doctor to get regular check-ups. It drives me insane! At least he works out at the gym six days a week, and trying to eat a balanced diet. Still, it’s not easy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is hard when you gain weight, it’s a real head fuck!!! It might sound weird but I think I was meant to gain this much weight for a reason. No matter my size I have always felt fat, even when I was dangerously under weight. I think I was meant to get this big so that when I loose it I will be able to see what everyone else sees. Does that make sense?! It’s great ur Hubby works out maybe you could do it together? It’s hard when your job is sitting still Xxxxx


  8. Oh, sweetie… I so completely understand where you are coming from!
    But know this…
    1) you are perfect, just the way you are this very moment. There is nothing WRONG with you. Health may be another topic, but YOU, anonymous, 30-something YOU, are perfect… because YOU are not your BODY. (I realized this the other day on one of my walks… I think I will write a post on it.)
    2) Comparison is a losing game. Perhaps that smaller woman (girl?) has never carried life in her body? Perhaps she has the advantage of a naturally high metabolism, or the finances to afford a personal trainer or the free time to visit the gym 5 times a week… that’s not a reason to feel bad about you. (Though I know it doesn’t make us feel any better when we are smack in the middle of feeling awful about ourselves.)

    I had some other stuff to say, but now my mind is consumed with the ‘You Are Not Your Body’ thoughts. I have to write before I lose it!

    Namaste & Blessed be! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Okay, I have fed the creativity beast. I can now concentrate on my reply to you again.

    You are so much more than your physical body… but your physical body has done a LOT. It bore your babies… it CREATED LIFE. That’s no simple feat… over half the human race is unable to do that.

    Its eyes allowed you to see their tiny, wrinkled faces, its arms allowed you to feel each tiny toe and perfectly formed fingernail, its nose allowed you to smell that baby smell from their tiny little scalps, and the less pleasant baby smell from the other end LOL… your body is FIERCE, it’s gentle, it has put up with every single decision you made that was not for its highest good, and fights for your survival every day, in spite of it.

    Your body loves you.

    It deserves to be loved no matter what, same as YOU deserve love, no matter what.

    I hope what I said makes you feel better about yourself AND your body ❤ I wish I could hug you and tell you that you are loved in person, but I guess virtual hugs will have to do. *hugs*

    No one and nothing else is going to be as close to you as your own body, nothing else remains with you from start to finish. It's your most loyal friend, and will never leave your side, until you die. Quite literally.

    You are worthy of love, just as you are; deep, abiding, unconditional love. And so is your body.

    Namaste & Blessed be!

    PS- I hope that didn't come off as preachy, I wasn't trying to be so if it did!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I give you props for being so graceful about your size. You’re real with yourself and you do not blame it on others (the poor, unaware stranger next to you).
    Health is and should be a concern. Think if that’s an issue. Use your zest for life as motivation to drop the weight. I know it’s not easy. Love yourself and your body. Do what’s right for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! I’m so pleased that comes across. Bless her she was just a young girl at the cinema with her boyfriend, I never usually compare as you never know the other persons story but I had an immature moment and compared! Was so stupid but I felt compelled to write about it xxx


  11. I can absolutely relate to this. I don’t know if it’s any comfort but you are not alone. I always feel like the biggest person in the room. Just when I think I am rock’en the chubby girl with my cute hair and edgy look I see a reflection of my self compared to others around me. I want nothing more than to be thin, well except food, I seem to want that more. It’s almost an addiction. My husband loves me no matter what, but I have a hard time with self love. Just remember that we see ourselves much bigger than others see us.

    Liked by 1 person

    • God I can totally relate to the rockin the cute n edgy!!! I hate catching my reflection in the mirror and about, it always makes me feel worse! I try so hard not to compare but from time I can’t help it lol so pleased I’m not alone on this lol. Xxxx I feel addicted to food sometimes too it’s so hard to stop munching lol


  12. I can totally understand how you feel… I caught a reflection of myself in a train window while sitting facing a skinny girl this week… I could see my entire outline around her body in the window behind her… I had to move because I felt so upset. My B loves me but I feel so uncomfortable in my skin and I too have been eating dreadfully for weeks because of a lack of sleep and energy and everything else. B is big too so we have decided to go back to slimming world this week. I want to be thinner so I feel better when he touches me and I can stop thinking if my tummy is hanging over my pants etc. I get it, what you are saying and how you feel… part of me hates us for feeling this way instead of accepting that we should be happy with who we are no matter what we weigh…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aw Hunni that train experience sounds heart breaking!! I hate my tummy hanging over my pants too it’s what I hate most I think. I love slimming world it does really work but it’s so hard when my hearts not in it! As I’m getting older my health is a worry to me as well as the appearance side. I’ve started cutting back on crap and am trying to do a walk everyday but it is hard xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I relate to this so much. not to the being at the movies part but the weight and being overweight and trying to lose it. I hope you get there just remember you are never alone and we are all rooting for you! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh, hunny, I can relate to that so much!! I am a big girl, and there are certain cinemas here that I cant even go to because the seats are so small and the arm rests do not go up. I hate it, but I know that my husband loves every inch of me, even on days that I dont. I totally understand the feeling. I am working on my weight, especially after seeing a video of myself recently (and a picture of me that I posted on my blog) where I look huge and it embarrassed me so much that I knew I had to make some changes. Its hard, and slow, but keep it up!! I believe in you!! LOVE YOU!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Its been so nice that I’m alone on this 😂😂 my other half is the same bless him he makes me feel gorgeous!! It’s just in ‘real life’ I feel like crap lol!! I’m hoping when the kids r back at skool I can get back to my good habits I’m shite in the holidays! Awww I no that embarrassed feeling it’s horrible 🙈 Keep going, getting started is the hardest bit! I believe in you and love you too!!! ❤️❤️❤️ xxx

      Liked by 1 person

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