Mentally over whelmed in the summer holidays 

I find the summer holidays with the kids so overwhelming and anxiety provoking I’m struggling to fall asleep. I’m only on day 3!!!

 Trying to plan work around them had been a nightmare already, either they’re bored waiting for me or I’m begging my mum or friends to have them.

The house is a mess there haven’t been enough hours in the day for me to catch up. It’s better than it was from the weekend but there’s still piles of washing to go away, the whole house needs a dust and yet another hoover. My little mans new toys from his birthday yesterday are scattered everywhere (mainly Lego ahhhh).

 I’ve been working all day and I still need to pack their stuff for my mums tomorrow.

I also promised the other half a roast dinner tonight (why would I do that?!?!)

 I managed to squeeze in a food shop. I avoid taking the kids with me like the plague, but this afternoon I had to take them. So my food bill almost doubled instantly.

I’ve woken up all fluey with a really bad chest, I feel like crap and all I want to do is go to bed.

Looks like this is turning into a rant!! 

I feel like I’m running myself into the ground. The summer time is always fantastic for my business but working this much is killing me and I think making me a bit ill. But I can’t turn the work down, we need the money and I love my customers I wouldn’t let them down and move heaven and earth to fit everyone in. 

Even though our holiday is in the shitty weathered UK, I’m ready for it. I only take off one week a year and I’m counting down the seconds until we go. One whole week of no work and time with my babies. But on the flip side if I’m not working I’m not earning money, I adore being self employed and wouldn’t change it for the world but I hate having no holiday/sick pay. Even when I’m poorlie I work through it. I’m a far better employee working for myself than I ever was working for anyone else. Work-a-Holic is definitely how I would describe it. Even if we didn’t need the money I know my work ethic would be the same. I never turn it down!! Money really motivates me and since being self employed it’s sparked even more. Knowing there’s no limit as to what I can earn pushes me harder to keep going.

I hate struggling buying school shoes, and taking the kids on days out. I hate the weeks I can’t afford to buy myself a bottle of water from the shop when I’m thirsty and out and about, let alone anything fun or exciting. I hate not having a penny to my name. 

This is why I keeping going, and I can’t stop, I desperately want mine and my families life to feel easier. To have fun and not be worrying all the time. 

Why does it always go back to money?

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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      • It sounds really silly but I find normal things stressful and able to cause a panic attack. Even something basic like cooking dinner. Today I gave myself time to prepare pasta. I focus only on cooking that pasta. I don’t have the tv on, I don’t do anything else but focus on that. I know it must be difficult with having your children around- but try and focus on only doing one thing at a time. Allow that one activity to over take your body. If you find your mind wondering then bring it back to what you are doing. It is a really difficult skill to learn but just by taking baby steps and breaking things down into small activities you will find yourself less overwhelmed and able to get more done. I hope this helps you- Amy Belle

        Liked by 1 person

      • It’s not silly at all I totally get where your coming from. My problem is definitely panicking about how much I have to do and how to fit it all in. I look way too far into the day instead of dealing with what’s at hand. I’m trying to learn to take one thing at a time xxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

      • That sounds like a good place to start! Please give it a go and let me know how you get on. Even if it is just doing the washing up. I’m proud of you! All the best, Amy Belle

        Liked by 1 person

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