I woke up today not sure what I was going to write about, I felt like writing something funny and silly so I started brainstorming, planing to write this afternoon. This morning it was my sons sports day, I was so excited to go see him, he had so much fun last year.
It was a disaster. So much so, it’s weighing heavy on my heart, so this is what I’m going to write about today.
My son is quite a sensitive teary boy at times, he loves to rough and tumble and can be very boisterous but gets upset over pretty much anything you can think of. My partner and I think it’s to do with his speech delay. He is one million times better than he was, his speech has come along splendidly though having so each therapy every day at school.
The problem is, when he is upset he just can’t find the words to express what’s wrong. For example, last night we went out for dinner. My daughter ordered chicken strips and my son ordered fish fingers. I told him what his sister was getting, in case he wanted the same, but he was adamant he wanted fish fingers. When the meals arrived he burst into to tears saying ‘chicken’, my other half got quite cross with him reminding our son that he chose the fish fingers. He was trying to stop crying and suddenly called out ‘I only wanted to try a tiny bit’ to which our daughter smiles and said of course you can have a little bit, and she shared her chicken. My other half asked him ‘why didn’t you just say that in the first place?’ Our son shrugged, looked sad and quietly said ‘I don’t know.’
Today sports day was filled with tears, soon as everyone crowded round to watch he went all shaky and started crying. I asked what was wrong and he said ‘I’m tiered and I don’t know’ to me it looked like stage fright he was petrified bless him. I ended up holding his hand and going along side him for the races he would join in with. He wouldn’t let go of me.
His little friends were kind beyond their years, trying to hold his hand and encouraging him to try and to join in. One little boy kept letting my son go in front of him in the queue and ran a race at the end with him. I was near tears it was so sweet.
My heart broke for my little man but if I’m honest I also felt really frustrated. All I want to see is him happy and having fun and sadly I can’t force that on him. It has to come from him, I desperately wanted him to stop crying. But no matter what I did he didn’t feel happy and he didn’t have fun. It made me feel like an awful mum, I know that’s not the case but at that second in time I felt so upset and angry that I couldn’t cheer him up. I also have a feeling he might of been a bit upset that his dad wasn’t there, as he was around yesterday for his sisters.
I think we need to spend some time with him and try and teach him more words to express the new feelings that are coming up now he’s getting older. Feel like I’m having a little break down about it all today, he’s come so far and I’ve not felt this lost and helpless in a long time. It’s like a flash back to a year ago when I was the only one who understood him and he was such a sad little boy.
I stopped writing to collect the kids from school, I had a chat with him and managed to get out of him that he didn’t like some of the races so he didn’t want to do them. He said he was happy and didn’t cry when it was just his class but when the parents were there it made him want to cry. I told him that maybe he felt shy as everyone was watching, he told me some of the races were really tricky and he didn’t like it. So I feel better after we had that little chat and he was really chuffed that his teacher gave him a medal at the end.
Phew over emotional day but I’m pleased everything’s calmed down and that he came out of school happy. I just need to sort out my stroppy 9 year old and we might be on to a good evening!!!
Can you relate to anything I’ve written about today? I’d love to hear in the comments below.
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old
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