My four year old cried at sports day and it broke my heart


I woke up today not sure what I was going to write about, I felt like writing something funny and silly so I started brainstorming, planing to write this afternoon. This morning it was my sons sports day, I was so excited to go see him, he had so much fun last year. 

It was a disaster. So much so, it’s weighing heavy on my heart, so this is what I’m going to write about today. 

My son is quite a sensitive teary boy at times, he loves to rough and tumble and can be very boisterous but gets upset over pretty much anything you can think of. My partner and I think it’s to do with his speech delay. He is one million times better than he was, his speech has come along splendidly though having so each therapy every day at school. 

The problem is, when he is upset he just can’t find the words to express what’s wrong. For example, last night we went out for dinner. My daughter ordered chicken strips and my son ordered fish fingers. I told him what his sister was getting, in case he wanted the same, but he was adamant he wanted fish fingers. When the meals arrived he burst into to tears saying ‘chicken’, my other half got quite cross with him reminding our son that he chose the fish fingers. He was trying to stop crying and suddenly called out ‘I only wanted to try a tiny bit’ to which our daughter smiles and said of course you can have a little bit, and she shared her chicken. My other half asked him ‘why didn’t you just say that in the first place?’ Our son shrugged, looked sad and quietly said ‘I don’t know.’ 

Today sports day was filled with tears, soon as everyone crowded round to watch he went all shaky and started crying. I asked what was wrong and he said ‘I’m tiered and I don’t know’ to me it looked like stage fright he was petrified bless him. I ended up holding his hand and going along side him for the races he would join in with. He wouldn’t let go of me. 

His little friends were kind beyond their years, trying to hold his hand and encouraging him to try and to join in. One little boy kept letting my son go in front of him in the queue and ran a race at the end with him. I was near tears it was so sweet. 

My heart broke for my little man but if I’m honest I also felt really frustrated. All I want to see is him happy and having fun and sadly I can’t force that on him. It has to come from him, I desperately wanted him to stop crying. But no matter what I did he didn’t feel happy and he didn’t have fun. It made me feel like an awful mum, I know that’s not the case but at that second in time I felt so upset and angry that I couldn’t cheer him up. I also have a feeling he might of been a bit upset that his dad wasn’t there, as he was around yesterday for his sisters. 

I think we need to spend some time with him and try and teach him more words to express the new feelings that are coming up now he’s getting older. Feel like I’m having a little break down about it all today, he’s come so far and I’ve not felt this lost and helpless in a long time. It’s like a flash back to a year ago when I was the only one who understood him and he was such a sad little boy. 

I stopped writing to collect the kids from school, I had a chat with him and managed to get out of him that he didn’t like some of the races so he didn’t want to do them. He said he was happy and didn’t cry when it was just his class but when the parents were there it made him want to cry. I told him that maybe he felt shy as everyone was watching, he told me some of the races were really tricky and he didn’t like it. So I feel better after we had that little chat and he was really chuffed that his teacher gave him a medal at the end. 

Phew over emotional day but I’m pleased everything’s calmed down and that he came out of school happy. I just need to sort out my stroppy 9 year old and we might be on to a good evening!!!

Can you relate to anything I’ve written about today? I’d love to hear in the comments below.

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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16 comments

  1. I came over to your blog as I saw you visited mine. I am new at this.

    First, I read your April entry about the things you hate about being fat.

    I liked your writing & truth telling so I came to see what you were writing about more recently.

    And then I discover you have a child who struggles with language. I do too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I dont have kids of my own but I watch my sisters 3yr old and my other nieces play with him and it breaks my heart when the older girls say that they do not want to play because hes just a baby and doesnt understand that they are older and into other things, not always batman. Its hard to watch kids grow up and get hurt about things. I want to cry sometimes watching him struggle to understand why grandma is too tired or mom has to go to work and not play with him. I cant imagine having my own and having those heart wrenching moments. It takes a brave and wonderful soul to raise children. Its such a heartbreakingly beautiful thing to watch them grow.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I came over to you from a notification that you liked a post of mine. (I am new at this blogging).

    It seems like we may have a couple things in common.

    I grew up in London, though now live in California, and have three children. One of which has a language disorder. He is now a soon to be eleven year old & I have learned so much along the way. Please know, all this kind of stuff gets easier. He will be okay. And is well on his way.

    And, I wanted to say. Kudos to you for all your weight loss efforts & courage to share. The first post I read of yours was in April discussing the every day things you encounter, notice & think about with your weigh loss journey. It was a very touching reading & is what made me want to learn more about you, to read more of your blog.

    I hope you have received the right kind of love, support & encouragement to continue with your personal goals. Kudos to you for sharing & living life honestly.

    Liked by 1 person

    • What’s lovely comment thank you so much! My Secret Blog is an open book, there’s so many things from my past and issues now I struggle to talk about but for some reason I can write about them lol. Thank you for the reassurance, I keep telling myself it’ll get easier but it’s lovely to hear from someone that it actually does! Xxx

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  4. My youngest son has ADHD, Opposition Defiance Disorder and various Autistic Spectrum disorders and had problems with his speech until he was 6. Not learning to use the right words for things until he was almost 3 and a half. He’s always had problems trying to remember what things are called, and used to get really frustrated and angry because he couldn’t make himself be understood, by anyone except me. He got bullied in school, and his teachers just ignored him if they couldn’t understand him. Unfortunately, because of where we were, I couldn’t change schools and tried to teach him the words for the things that he used most often or liked so that he could talk about them to other people. It does get better, but it’s sad to see our children struggling with learning difficulties, and infuriating when you know other people don’t bother to spend the time trying to understand them. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh Hun I that must of been so hard! I totally get the people ignoring them, even now (he 5 in a few weeks) a lot of people can’t understand him and in public he gets ignored. Like in a cafe the other week he was trying to talk to the girl behind the till n she just looked at him blankly I was fuming!!! Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh how difficult for him and for you. My son had speech and language delays (part of his rare chromosome disorder) but rather than tears and sadness he felt real frustration when he couldn’t explain himself and this came out in anger and sometimes self harm, which was horrific to see. Intensive speech therapy helped so much, and if you met my hulking teenager now you’d never know how difficult talking is for him. One of the things that helped us was finding a word for how he’s feeling when he can’t put things into words. We used “fizzy” which expressed him struggling to keep his anger and frustration in. This helped him because it acknowledged the problem, gave him some control and let us know how he was feeling, and it helped us because it reminded us to give him the time and space he needed. I hope today’s been a less emotional day for you xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for commenting! Oh bless him that sounds awful and heart breaking. Giving him a word is a fantastic idea, I’ll have to give that a go I think that’ll really help. Great tip thank u xxx today’s been a lot more chilled xxx

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