thesecretblogofa30yearold

Taking on other people’s feelings


This is something I really struggle with, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. When people close to me are having issues it really sets me off mentally, if my other half is in a mood, I feel anxious and worried for him. If my mum is upset and stressed, I feel upset and emotional too. If my best friend doesn’t feel well, I’ll get sympathy sickness! 

It’s ridiculous!

Why do I take on everyone’s feelings? I think it’s because I care. I’m a worrier and get over involved emotionally, I find it very hard to take a step back when I really care about someone. I can never just think ‘oh I’m sure it’ll be fine they’ll be ok’ instead my emotions start, and when they do there’s no end until the other person is ok.

It’s draining and frustrating I can’t seem to switch it off. For example this morning my other half was in a really bad mood, he had a bad evening and he was still grumpy and agitated this morning. I woke up before him, tiered but in a good mood. As soon as he got up and I realised he was still moody my tummy instantly has knots. It makes me feel worried and I can’t stand seeing him sad. Later on this afternoon he had some good news which cheered him up, which then meant I naturally cheered up.

Does anyone have some tips or mantras I can use to help with this issue?! 

I’d love to hear in the comments below if you have a similar issue or any advice.

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32 comments

  2. I find this post to be very enlightening. I am the exact same way. Especially with my husband. If I’m in a good mood and my husband walks through the door in an anxious regrettable one then I match his. My mood soon turns sour. It’s crazy how people’s emotions influence your own. The best thing I have found that helps is to try and block my feelings out when he comes home. Easier say than done. Or better yet I try to improve his mood and as a result improve my own in the process.

    On the other side of things. If I am overly ecstatic when he is in a bad mood then I feel guilty for being happy which is also ridiculous. Unfortunately, I don’t think there is an easy fix.

    As part of my anxiety therapy, I’m encouraged to be as positive as possible which helps I find. If I try to force negative words out of my mind and focus on more positive ways of thinking then I find that as with people’s influence over me I have begun to notice that my husband is just as influenced by my positivity. If you think about it that makes a lot of sense. When someone is happy walking past you in the street and is smiling away to themselves you can’t help but smile also.

    Hoping this helps a little! I would highly recommend investing time into therapy and positive thinking approaches. People also recommend Meditation but I just find it boring to be perfectly honest.

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  4. Hey! This is completely normal, everyone goes through this..you are probably thinking about it too much. Take it easy ☺ We all are connected to each other, so this is completely normal. No need to worry.

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  7. You are definitely not alone. I am the same way and I’ve no idea why and I have no assistance to offer. Instead I will follow along here and see if anyone else has words of wisdom they’d like to impart.

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  8. You are not alone, I also struggle with this. Empathy can be a real B*** sometimes! I try telling myself “It’s not my problem”. Yes, easier said than done. But it’s kind of like telling yourself “everything will be okay”. Say it to yourself enough and you might start believing it. Good luck!

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  9. Coulda written this word for word. I completely relate. I have to try extra hard to be positive all the time but it still really doesn’t help.

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  10. It’s sounds like you are an empath. You actually feel other’s experience. The upside is that you develop very deep relationships with others. It also is why you are so creative. And you described the downside already. You have to try to build a little bit of a barrier around you. Try really focusing on the person you are feeling this about in your mind, picture them being healed from whatever is hurting them. Then picture yourself letting go of it. I don’t know how religious/spiritual you are but I picture the person wrapped in healing white light and then picture that light staying with them as you move from it. It’s kind of like putting them in God’s hands instead of your own. They are much better off there.

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  11. I’m the same way. I can feel it, physically. I get anxious, butterflies, and will start getting irritated if they are putting off angry. I’ve learned to just bring it up. The best non confrontational way I found to do this is, Have I done something to upset you? Usually the person will not want you to feel like it’s you(unless it is) and will tell you what’s eating at them. If it is you, you might get the “nothing” response or something similar. Then it might take a little more prodding, like, are you sure because it seems like you irritated/angry with me/ taking it out on me, if I did something just tell me. This is what works in my house, with family and friends. Hope that helps 🙂

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  12. This is a struggle, while it tends to draw people to me (mostly those who need help) -its so draining. I have to detach from the negativity. I enjoy time to myself. TV or crafts, playing with my dogs. I have learned it’s much less stressful this way. If someone is “complaining or venting” to me too much, I change the subject. I make jokes or talk about something I saw online, if it’s really exhausting I will just say “i can’t talk about this”. My sanity comes first 🙂

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  14. I can relate to this! It’s important to take a deep breath at that moment, and try to see what feelings are yours, and what feelings are from (for example) your mom. Try to make a conscious process of it by writing it down, or monitoring how you feel before and after you get involved, so the next time you get less caught up by others emotions.
    Lots of love! 🙂

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