I have not had a ‘crying dream’ since I got help for my PTSD. They were a very common thing for me before that. Last night was the first one in a good few years, it was horrible and upsetting but familiar all at the same time.
This was unlike the dreams I used to have, in this dream my life was exactly how it is now, but in the dream my other half dies very suddenly and unexpectedly. I then find out I’m pregnant. It was so real and intense. I was devastated about his death and mourned for him, for my children’s pain, and for all the plans we had recently made. I broke into pieces and couldn’t stop crying. I was stuck in dream land for what felt like weeks, trying to stay strong for our children but crumbling when I was alone. Crying and crying and crying.
I then find out I’m pregnant in the dream. After having our second child I swore I would have no more children, I’m not going to go into that now as it’s very long winded. But in the dream finding out I was pregnant was devastating and reassuring at the same time. I was in a whirl wind of what to do. I could not cope with having another one, but what if it was a gift from my dead other half?! It was a serious dilemma which lead to more tears and confusion as I couldn’t have another child, I wouldn’t cope.
That is how I woke up, sobbing for the death of my man and the predicament of being pregnant and alone with our two children. It was so weird!!!
My eyes actually hurt from all the crying.
Where on earth did that come from?!
Did you have a crazy dream last night? I’d love to hear in the comments below!
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old
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