My religious experience 


This is pretty different from my usual content, my atheist readers will probably not enjoy this, I can just see the rolling eyes and whispers of ‘oh it’s the bipolar talking.’ Which who knows, it might of been. But I really wanted to share this experience. It’s something very few people know as it’s so personal and I don’t want to be laughed at or ridiculed. Although I believe in god I’m not one to talk about it, I think most people that know me in real life would be very surprised to find out what I actually believe. If your my religious and this isn’t your usual post to read don’t force yourself to continue, but it might be an interesting read from another perspective.

When I was 15 I was unsure of my beliefs, sometimes I believe in god other times I didn’t. I almost had two lives with two sets of friends, with one group I sung in choirs, helped in brownie camps (a young girls group in the U.K.) and they kept me on the straight and narrow when I was with them, although I was still not the best of influence to this group of girls. With the other group I was older than my years, drinking in pubs and clubs, sleeping with men and having many boyfriends way too old for me.

My innocent group of friends were going away for a week to stay to a performing arts camp. Singing dance and drama, all the things I secretly loved, I asked my mum if I could go. She was tickled pink I wanted to do something age appropriate and happily paid for me to go. It was AFTER booking my friends told me it was also a god camp (that’s what I called it) I wasn’t impressed and wanted to back out, they promised me it wouldn’t be too religious and that I should still go.

Quickly at this camp I realised I was different from these kids, I was the only one that smoked, drank and had participated in sexual activities. I felt like the dirty tainted black sheep, but everyone I met there was so sweet and kind I really wish we would of stayed in touch. They weren’t like my other group friends, they were pure and genuinely wanted what was best for me. They saw through my act and within the first few days I became a normal 15 year old. (For my younger readers this was 15 years ago, when kids were actually kids! Anyone my age and older will know what I mean by this.)

I loved the daily classes and learnt so much while I was there it was fun and I could really be myself. In the morning there was a half hour bible study which to be honest I didn’t care for. In the evening we had a big church style service in the main hall, this wasn’t too bad as I loved singing and we sang god songs for most of the service. On the third or fourth night (I can’t remember which) one of the ladies running the service announced there was someone they wanted to stay behind after the service, she said she hadent spoken to this person before but god told her they needed her help. I nearly DIED of embarrassment when she pointed to me. I did NOT want to be prayed for, I glared at my friends as this was the kind of crap I didn’t want to be involved in. I could not think of anything worse than me sitting with a face like a slapped arse being lectured by a load of god loving nutters.

I politely declined, which was politely ignored. My best friend at the time told me to see what they had to say and if I was uncomfortable to let them know I wanted to go back to my room. She wanted me to give them a chance. So I reluctantly did. Everyone left the hall and it was just me and them.

Before I could say anything, the main lady who had called me up asked me to lie down on the floor and told me they would like to pray for me. I actually feel quite bad about this as I laughed in her face, like the snotty little bitch I was. I thought ‘she must be joking I’m not doing that’. What was odd to me was it didn’t deter her, she didn’t care if I was laughing, still smiling at me she said “it ok I know you don’t believe in god, I would just really like to pray for you.” This suprised me as I had never voiced my opinions on this subject, I had been respectful (up until this point) and had kept that to myself not wanting to offend anyone. I signed and gave in, I laid down on the floor, feeling like a dick and hoping this wasn’t going to be some weird gang rape scenario.

What happened next I will never forget for the rest of my life, I’m really nervous about going into detail as if I heard someone else say this I’d probably cringe. As they started to pray I was thinking ‘this is boring and stupid I wonder how long this will last”… then from no where I had the overwhelming urge to cry, but not just silently cry, I started sobbing uncontrollably. The tears were falling down my face and I had no idea why or what was going on. The only way I can explain it was like a thunderbolt of love and forgiveness swept through me. I didn’t feel like the dirty black sheep, I felt like a good person that was making bad choices and needed help, I felt loved and forgiven so much so it reduced me to hysterical tears. It was scary as I really didn’t believe in god at the time, but after that experience I have to say I do.

I know this story sounds insane, who knows maybe I was having an episode but I have never experienced anything like that again, it took over my body and was more powerful than any emotion I had felt, it was amazing. Even writing this now I remember how it felt and how it impacted me.

I’m not sure how to end this but that’s the end of my story! If you’ve had a similar experience please comment below I’d love to hear your thoughts? Unless it’s something nasty, if it is then keep it to yourself.

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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32 comments

  1. Ohhh you are very brave for sharing that story, well done! I haven’t had the guts to write about religion on my blog yet. I have, ermm, very firm and passionate views about all religion. I would never have expected you to believe in God. There goes my wild, sniffing, party girl image of you 🙂 Kiddin. Now that image is wearing a ‘I heart Jesus’ crop top xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That is what is called a ‘spiritual awakening’, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s simply that first moment we ‘remember’ for the first time that there’s something beyond just… us. Here.

    I was raised in church my entire life. Three services a week, up until the day I left home. To this day I still get, ‘You oughtta be gettin’ up and takin’ yer butt to church!’, whenever the subject slips into the conversation. I’m quite familiar with that wash of embarassment, that fear of how harshly you will be judged if you admit you believe in God.

    How primitive.

    Fuck ’em. If they judge you for something that’s between you and you… fuck ’em. Sideways. On a picket fence.

    I believe in God, Jesus, and most of the Bible (in my own fashion). I also have had spiritual experiences, both in church and at ‘God camp’ (I loved that, by the way! Too funny!), and still walked away. I believe God is an experience, and you can experience It anywhere.

    “…keep it to yourself. ” ha! Loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, that ‘how primitive’ totally doesn’t read how it sounded in my head, lol. I wasn’t being snarky in the way that sounds. Some sarcasm apparently do not translate well to text, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s powerful when people gather round to pour their intent and energies into you. I don’t know whether that’s god or some internal emotional spark being ignited?
    I’ve seen movies or TV shows of the opposite where someone is in the middle of group of people he has a bond with and they all simultaneously turn their backs on him leaving him alone and rejected. Very powerful either way…I think. I usually like my rejections or acceptance slowly painfully, one by one little by little. Easier for me to swallow. Thanks for writing and sharing the experience. Wow..good stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I don’t believe in God, and I have my reasons. I was brought up in a Christian home, and attended church every week. I was in the Brownies, and went to camp with them. At 9 years old, I was confirmed. I would never judge anyone for any reason but their treatment of me, other people and animals, and I think your experience is beautiful. Your religious beliefs are yours, and should never be ridiculed or cause anyone to think differently of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. What an amazing experience to share. I don’t really believe in God, per say, but I recently had an experience where after being read by a psychic medium I was reduced to a puddle of tears. Now I am more agnostic than atheist. It’s kind of nice to believe there is something else, I’m just not sure what. Thanks again for being brace enough to share your experience. Reading this makes me want to revisit my own beliefs. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Your experience was real. I’ve had a long life of an on-again, off-again, on again, off-again, relationship with God. Specifically through Jesus Christ. I’ve had such amazing experiences, much like what you’ve described, and, still, have always struggled in my faith; mostly because I get so judgemental on myself. It’s the hardest thing in the world to let God in with all that forgiveness and unconditional love when I don’t feel the same for myself. It’s like God says, “Hey, I forgive you. I forgive it ALL. And I love you. Unconditionally. The end.” And I’m like, “Yeah, but did you see what I just did/thought/said/etc.? I’m a mess.” ~ Ugh, and long story. But, yes. You’re experience was very real and I hope, pray, there are a lot more of them for both of us. ~My suggestion: Don’t let go of that moment. Ask God for more of that. You never know… ~ Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. First off, I am so sorry you were singled out like that! At any age that can be embarrassing but at 15 it can seem like one’s world is falling apart. Many times well meaning Christians go about doing the right thing in the wrong way. Thank you for sharing your touch from God with us.

    As you know from visiting my blog, I love to talk about my faith in Jesus! Thank you for stopping by, please visit anytime!

    Liked by 1 person

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