This is pretty different from my usual content, my atheist readers will probably not enjoy this, I can just see the rolling eyes and whispers of ‘oh it’s the bipolar talking.’ Which who knows, it might of been. But I really wanted to share this experience. It’s something very few people know as it’s so personal and I don’t want to be laughed at or ridiculed. Although I believe in god I’m not one to talk about it, I think most people that know me in real life would be very surprised to find out what I actually believe. If your my religious and this isn’t your usual post to read don’t force yourself to continue, but it might be an interesting read from another perspective.
When I was 15 I was unsure of my beliefs, sometimes I believe in god other times I didn’t. I almost had two lives with two sets of friends, with one group I sung in choirs, helped in brownie camps (a young girls group in the U.K.) and they kept me on the straight and narrow when I was with them, although I was still not the best of influence to this group of girls. With the other group I was older than my years, drinking in pubs and clubs, sleeping with men and having many boyfriends way too old for me.
My innocent group of friends were going away for a week to stay to a performing arts camp. Singing dance and drama, all the things I secretly loved, I asked my mum if I could go. She was tickled pink I wanted to do something age appropriate and happily paid for me to go. It was AFTER booking my friends told me it was also a god camp (that’s what I called it) I wasn’t impressed and wanted to back out, they promised me it wouldn’t be too religious and that I should still go.
Quickly at this camp I realised I was different from these kids, I was the only one that smoked, drank and had participated in sexual activities. I felt like the dirty tainted black sheep, but everyone I met there was so sweet and kind I really wish we would of stayed in touch. They weren’t like my other group friends, they were pure and genuinely wanted what was best for me. They saw through my act and within the first few days I became a normal 15 year old. (For my younger readers this was 15 years ago, when kids were actually kids! Anyone my age and older will know what I mean by this.)
I loved the daily classes and learnt so much while I was there it was fun and I could really be myself. In the morning there was a half hour bible study which to be honest I didn’t care for. In the evening we had a big church style service in the main hall, this wasn’t too bad as I loved singing and we sang god songs for most of the service. On the third or fourth night (I can’t remember which) one of the ladies running the service announced there was someone they wanted to stay behind after the service, she said she hadent spoken to this person before but god told her they needed her help. I nearly DIED of embarrassment when she pointed to me. I did NOT want to be prayed for, I glared at my friends as this was the kind of crap I didn’t want to be involved in. I could not think of anything worse than me sitting with a face like a slapped arse being lectured by a load of god loving nutters.
I politely declined, which was politely ignored. My best friend at the time told me to see what they had to say and if I was uncomfortable to let them know I wanted to go back to my room. She wanted me to give them a chance. So I reluctantly did. Everyone left the hall and it was just me and them.
Before I could say anything, the main lady who had called me up asked me to lie down on the floor and told me they would like to pray for me. I actually feel quite bad about this as I laughed in her face, like the snotty little bitch I was. I thought ‘she must be joking I’m not doing that’. What was odd to me was it didn’t deter her, she didn’t care if I was laughing, still smiling at me she said “it ok I know you don’t believe in god, I would just really like to pray for you.” This suprised me as I had never voiced my opinions on this subject, I had been respectful (up until this point) and had kept that to myself not wanting to offend anyone. I signed and gave in, I laid down on the floor, feeling like a dick and hoping this wasn’t going to be some weird gang rape scenario.
What happened next I will never forget for the rest of my life, I’m really nervous about going into detail as if I heard someone else say this I’d probably cringe. As they started to pray I was thinking ‘this is boring and stupid I wonder how long this will last”… then from no where I had the overwhelming urge to cry, but not just silently cry, I started sobbing uncontrollably. The tears were falling down my face and I had no idea why or what was going on. The only way I can explain it was like a thunderbolt of love and forgiveness swept through me. I didn’t feel like the dirty black sheep, I felt like a good person that was making bad choices and needed help, I felt loved and forgiven so much so it reduced me to hysterical tears. It was scary as I really didn’t believe in god at the time, but after that experience I have to say I do.
I know this story sounds insane, who knows maybe I was having an episode but I have never experienced anything like that again, it took over my body and was more powerful than any emotion I had felt, it was amazing. Even writing this now I remember how it felt and how it impacted me.
I’m not sure how to end this but that’s the end of my story! If you’ve had a similar experience please comment below I’d love to hear your thoughts? Unless it’s something nasty, if it is then keep it to yourself.
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