I recently did a Q&A answering your questions for part one click Here for part two click Here. A few questions I decided to turn into blog posts, Linda asked this question, it really spoke to me so here is my 100% honest truth of what I would say to myself. I got really emotional writing this as it was one of the worst times in my life.
Dear my 18 year old self
What the fuck are you doing? Seriously what are you doing? I don’t even know who you are any more. Drinking every day, sleeping around and not sticking with therapy is not going to solve your problems. It just going to give you bigger ones.
I’m going to let you in on a secret, in one years time your going to fall pregnant by someone your hardly know. Yes that’s right, your going to have a baby. You are going to have to grow up so quick your not going to cope. You need to sort yourself out now. You need to finally get diagnosed, I know your scared and I know you think your fine but your not. And because your going to run away from this you won’t get diagnosed with bipolar until your 24, your going to go through years emotional hell and torment if you can’t get a grip on this early.
Yes your getting help with your drinking but your not helping yourself. You may be going to the specialised alcohol therapist but your still drinking!!! Your frustrating the life out of me. Soon as you fall pregnant you quit going all together. I’m begging you not to stop. You have to keep going.
You will also find out when you are 26 that you have PTSD from your sexual assault when you were 14. This is why you have so many problems when it comes to sex. When you are finally brave enough to get help it CHANGES YOUR LIFE. You don’t want to go, but you must. Please get that sorted now too, don’t leave it until your at the point of a breakdown.
I need you to know and believe that everything is going to get better, you are going to have the normal life you’ve always dreamed about. It does happen. With a lot of hard work it does happen. You didnt float through life fucking everything up, you took life by the balls and you made it fucking happen. You will be so proud of yourself it will bring you to tears.
You will be blessed with two beautiful babies and that man you fell pregnant with will turn out to be the love of your life. He’ll grow up to be the man you always knew he could be. He’s still no angel but he will adore you and stand by your side no matter what.
As you get older you will find an inner strength that right now you can’t find. Your self respect, courage and determination will blossom. Your fear of life will melt away, your ambition and drive will come through.
I have tears in my eyes writing this as I know you will never read this, and what makes me even more sad is that even if you did, it wouldn’t make a difference. You won’t listen to reason and you never learn unless you make mistakes for yourself. If you decide to go your own path and not take this advice, you will get there in the end, but buckle up as it’s going to be a long bumpy road.
29 (a few days off 30) Year Old me
I have linked a few blog posts below going more into detail about issues I have faced. I hope you all have a wonderful day, I highly recommend writing to your old self it was an experience.
What I learn about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that changed my LIFE (please read if struggling)
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old
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