My biggest secret as a child

When I was a child I had a secret. A secret that was always at the back of my mind and was a huge part of my childhood. It’s still a bit embarrassing but not as crippling as it used to be. Well here goes…

I used to wet the bed. A lot. For as long as I could remember I would wet the bed at least once a night.

Even at 9 I was still wetting the bed. I refused to go to sleepovers and if people slept at mine it would 100% be different beds, with my mum sneaking in to change my sheets while I sat and silently cried. It was the most humiliating experience I can ever remember. 

It was my biggest secret and none of my friends knew. As I got older the bed wetting was less frequent but it still happened. Through the doctors we tried everything even those bed alarms to wake you up.

I was such a heavy sleeper nothing woke me. More than likely due to the fact I found it very hard to fall asleep (Being scared at nighttime)

I remember at 13 (yes even then it still happened) being given tablets I could take if I was at a sleepover which would stop me wetting the bed. Although I always ended up asking to go home at 1 in the morning, too scared to sleep incase I wet the bed. The thought of my secret being exposed made me feel anxious all the time. I felt like such a baby, even though it was something I really couldn’t control. 

As I got older, very slowly, the bed wetting stopped. Until I started going out drinking. 

A whole new level of humiliation.

If I had that one drink too many, I’d wet the bed. At friends houses, BOYS HOUSES… it was awful. Sometimes it wouldn’t happen for a while and I would get a false sense of security, thinking I had finally at 19 grown out of it. 

Even after settling down and having our daughter, it would happen from time to time if a had a nightout. Which was very rare but still happened. My other half bless him was always so sweet about it, he’d tease me a bit but in a playful way, he really didn’t mind if he woke up in wee he would just jump in the shower and not make a big deal out of it. I’m sure it was disgusting waking up in my wee but he never showed it. 

Thankfully it has been years since I last wet the bed. I am so happy it is finally over. I remember how having this huge secret weighing on me all the time was soul destroying. I had told myself that no one would understand and if I did tell anyone it would be around my entire school within the day. So I kept it to myself.

Even as a grown up for the longest time I still couldn’t talk about it as it brought back so many horrible memories and feelings. 

But I’m so proud today that I’m writing about it. Every time I write about things that haunt me from the past it feels like I’m setting them free in a balloon across the ocean into the sunset. 

Are there any balloons you need to send off? Leave them in the comments below.

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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18 comments

  1. I used to be completely terrified of silence. So I had to sleep with music or tapes on in order to sleep at all. Silence still unnerves me now and can send me into the same panic. I think it’s really cool that you’re talking about it. I wet myself in a school lesson when I was ten so that has stayed a pretty unmoving memory.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Some kids take longer to potty train, I guess. I also was into my school years before not wetting the bed. No idea what age? For me, I would get lost deep in a dream world and the dream would somehow include the body sensation of needing to pee. Maybe I’d be dreaming about a waterfall or ocean or mountain stream or some water symbolism. Maybe when you’re young the inside dream world and outside world intertwine and there are no definite boundaries between the two. So, it makes sense to wet the bed. I wonder what else we’re shifting from dream world to waking world or the other way round?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow! I read your story and think you are so courageous to let go of the things that weigh you down. I also read it and felt comfort because like you I also had that problem and yes it persists at times in my adult life. So much shame for me to admit this even to you but i want to thank you for leading the way. Maybe I can think about my billowing balloons 🎈 🎈 and which to release….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing. I too was a bed wetter way into my teens and something that i struggled with. Even today, although it has been years since I last wet the bed, I still struggle with the idea that it may return. Every night before I go to bed, I still have to tell myself that I will not wet the bed. It is something that I don’t ever talk about, so reading your blog triggered some memories for me. I don’t think that if you are a bed wetter it is something that goes away, even in adulthood.

    Cheers,
    Mike

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi mike, I’m surprised how many people have been able to relate to this post it just shows how common this issue is but how little it is spoken about. I know that feeling of worry it really takes over. Until this post I never spoke about it either, I think unless you’ve been through it you can’t comprehend how upsetting it is. I’m sorry this brought back some bad memories for you that was not my intention. Just know your not alone and I totally understand the heart ache ❤️ xxx

      Like

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