Anxiety overload-work, haircuts, politics…I’m done

I hate the word anxiety, but it really is the only way to describe how I’m feeling. I have no idea why but the past few days my anxiety has been out of control and I’m struggling sleeping, even after my meds which usually knock me out. Before I was medicated for bipolar I constantly felt anxious, nervous, guilty and on edge. The medication has hugely helped but it’s still lurking under the surface. 

There’s certain things in life that tip my nerves over the edge and today has been full of them. 

I had a tonne of work to fit in and knew it’s was going to be a rushy day, this makes me nervous as I have to pick the kids up after school and I worry I won’t have gotten through all my clients in time. 

I also had to squish a food shop in which doesn’t sound too stressful but today it felt like the world was on my shoulders. 

My friend was meant to be cutting my little boys hair but he is PETRIFIED of hair cuts and sometimes he’s so hysterical the hair cut doesn’t happen. That also happened today which means another trip to the hairdressers which I’m already fucking dreading.

Last minute trip to the mother in laws while they debabted politics rather loudly for over two hours.

I’ve felt cold all day.

Political stuff is everywhere due to the election. My other half is obsessed and gets so heated about it all, I love that he’s passionate but it’s draining at times if I’m honest. It’s also a scary time as no one knows what is to come for the future of our country.

As much as I love my other half he has a right temper, it doesn’t come out very often but he’s in that inbetween mood where everything I say and do is wrong and he’s really snappy. This massively puts me on edge as I can’t stand the shouting and rowing I just don’t have the energy right now so I’m desperately struggling to keep the peace. I don’t know what’s wrong with him at the moment he’s so wound up. More than likely due to more political bullshit. 

I’ve been shaking with nerves on and off all day it’s horrible.

That’s the end of my depressing boring post, sorry it’s not been much fun today. Hopefully I’ll have something witty and comical tomorrow. 

How’s you day been? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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    • I totally agree, my other half gets so into it I can’t stand it. It weighs so heavy on me and today it’s really gotten to me. Not been on an even keel for a while after years of being great, I have no idea y I’m pouring this out to u right now but in real life I never talk about it all. If I say it out loud it makes it real and I can’t cope with looking after my kids, running my own business and looking after everyone around me if it becomes real. I’ve never hated having bipolar as much as I do right now, every time I level out it kicks me in the face. I don’t let it define me and not everyone in my life knows as I am far more than A diagnoses but sometimes it just takes over xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      • One of the few good things about blogging is being able to open up and have someone who knows nothing about you to speak to or to just listen. Many a time I have been pulled out of the quicksand of life by an unbiased someone ten thousand miles away.

        Liked by 2 people

      • That’s so true, I’ve found blogging really therapeutic, talking about things from the past that I never thought I would has really helped close some doors, and it seems to be helping people along the way. Someone actually said she finds my posts inspirational, this make my DAY! Clearly I write some daft funny stuff too but the posts that are meaningful and have a point, people are relating to. I think u just pulled me out 😊 xxxx

        Liked by 2 people

  1. Hi there. Glad to see your spirit turning joyful again. I read your post. Best advice I can give. Is get it out your system. But find a way to also change your mind to good healthy positive thoughts amidts the circumstances. Its often a big battle to get it right. But practise makes perfect. Ive been there. And actively fighting the good fight inside my mind every day to unlearn responses i had in the past and develop new ways of thinking. I really feel for you and your fam. Life has big challenges. But as a fam. You guys will over come. And you as a person youself. Will also. Beeing a mom to and a wife. Your the heart of your little family. Take deep breaths everytime something challenging comes your way. Ask for courage. Tell those thoughts. Let go. Sing in those moments a song that makes you feel great joy and warms up your heart. I often did that and still do. And you know what. Though its effort starting it. I actively experience every time how my whole mind changes and my spirit starts to lift. You are a conqueror. And overcomer. Thanks for sharing. And i feel i need to give you this message of encouragement. Blessings

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This may not be an option for your son, but in some cases, little boys do better going with their dads/uncles/grandpas to the barber shop than with mom to the salon. Doesn’t always work, but for some reason, the whole attitude of the men’s shop has this “no bullshit” feeling, and the boy will sit there like an angel. Just a thought! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I did think of trying this but my son can be even more teary with my other half!!! I’m really torn as part of me wants him to take over as ur right about the no nonsense attitude but the other part of me is think nooo he’s my baby and my other half can get so cross n wound up with him it could be a recipe for teary messy disaster. I know that sounds awful but it’s true, my other half isn’t good with the tears he just gets wound up so I spend my life counteracting his stress lol Xxx


      • I understand! Some men have zero patience and just make it worse. At my salon we try all kinds of things (you’ve probably tried these too but I’ll share anyway lol). Hold your phone up or let them hold it while it plays their favorite movie/cartoon. Some kids freak out from the cape, so just bring extra shirt and don’t make them wear one. Just cut what absolutely has to be cut…bangs, length in back, over ears. No sense traumatizing everybody over hair lol. Never ever hold the child down, that makes him even more afraid next time and have bad memories of haircuts. Of course there’s always the sucker lol. Some stylists are better than others with little kids too. Usually the ones who have them!
        The day will come when he does better, and then even better the time after that! If his hair is a little shaggy for a while it’s not the end of the world and you’re life is way too stressful already!
        It sounds like you’re a really good mom! Good luck with everything! 😉


      • Aw thank you so much for your comment!!! Wish you were near me I’d be ringing u to do it! I’ve booked in with him again with the guy who’s gotten him to do it before so hopefully it’ll go well. It’s so annoying as he was finally coming round to having it done feel like we’ve gone miles back but trying to b positive. He likes to hold his muzzy over his face while having it done as he hates the hair on him and we never bother with trying the cape any more lol might try the phone thing though that boy loves YouTube!!! Thank you for your ideas that was really kind of you xxx


  3. It wasn’t boring or depressing – it really helps me reading about other people with Bipolar or OCD, because I can often relate to your posts & I don’t feel like I’m alone in what I go through – so thank you xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Don’t apologise. Everyone has tough days! Your a very strong person and sometimes it can’t be helped. Sometimes things all pile up. We can’t expected to be on the ball all the time we all allowed off days. Hugs xx

    Liked by 1 person

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