Bipolar, medication and pregnancy (the things no one talks about)


This is a rather taboo subject, so me being me I’ve decided to talk about it. When I was going through all of this I couldn’t find much online so maybe someone going through the same thing will stumble across this one day. 

I wasn’t diagnosed with bipolar until I was 24 years old. I had already had our first child. After being diagnosed I was on 500mg of quetiepine, this was a shock to the system to say the least. I will be writing more in depth about this another time. 

A few months after settling in to the anti psychotic lifestyle, we found out I was 6 weeks pregnant with baby number two, which we were happy about. But it did leave the big question of what happens to my medication? 

I was told by my doctor I had to come off my medication for the first 3 months of pregnancy, then we would decided what was more risky, me being on or off the medication. Like an idiot I didn’t take the advise of weening myself off them, I just stopped taking them.

This was a stupid move.

I can not tell you how physically sick it made me, I had the shakes, I was throwing up it really was horrendous. After the initial withdrawal happened I become very mentally ill. I had forgotten how horrible it felt unmedicated and it hit me 10 times harder than ever before. I constantly felt nervous worried and guilty, I was so over whelmed with emotion if I wasn’t crying I was throwing up. So on top of pregnancy hormones I was loosing my mind. It was one of the worst few months of my life I didn’t know if I was coming or going. Trying to work and look after our daughter as well was really hard, I was a total mess. 

During this time I was being closely watched by my doctors, they saw the rapid decline and decided at the 3 month mark I was at a huge risk to myself and I needed to go back on the medication. There was no study’s to show if it would effect the baby or not and it was a very difficult decision for us to make as there were unknown risks.

Being honest I was desperate to go back on my pills, I wanted to feel well again and I couldn’t live another day, let alone 6 months being that ill. But then there was the risk of the baby? What if the medication did damage? What if I was going to ruin its poor little life by being selfish and medicating? Because that is just how I felt, selfish and like a disgusting human being for even thinking about going back on the medication while a child was inside me. 

But that is what I did. The doctors strongly advised it and I had had enough. We had tonnes of checkups through the pregnancy and everything was normal, but the guilt and worry I felt will stay with me for the rest of my life. Even now talking about it makes me so uncomfortable because it stirs those feeling up. 
Every doctor I spoke to during that time told me not to feel guilty and that I was doing the right thing, but I felt awful about it. I found forums online of girls saying “I’m taking 50mg I’m so worried” whereas I was on 500mg, I couldn’t find anyone else in my position on such a high dose. This made me feel so alone. 

6 months later, we were blessed by a beautiful healthy baby boy and couldn’t of been happier. We were so lucky everything worked out, but even now I think what if it didn’t? But you can’t live your life thinking “what if” and you have to do what’s best for you. 

After having my first daughter I was severely post natal for about 2 years, so the risk of it happeneing again was high. But because I was on my medication already, after the birth of our boy, I was mentally well, which meant I could be a better mum to my children and I was coping. My dose was upped when I felt it creeping up a few weeks later and it held the crazy at bay. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t see what it is at the time. 

Are you going through something like this or have you had a similar experience? I’d love to hear in the comments below.

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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4 thoughts on “Bipolar, medication and pregnancy (the things no one talks about)”

  1. Jesus. Sorry you went through that. I have come to know a little about hormones these days and how they can affect you. Everything is such a juggling act to get a balance. Medications and hormones and foods and and and..wow.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t tell you how inspiring it is to read your posts. Especially this one. I’ve been told that it’s very unlikely that I’m going to be able to get pregnant without help, due to a dodgy cervix and more than likely quite serious endometriosis. I’m only 21 so it doesn’t matter right now, or so you’d think. When they told me, I cried. My boyfriend is convinced we’re not having kids anyway but even he took the hit. Even if everything goes to plan and I can conceive, it’s very risky due to me taking venlafaxine for my severe anxiety and BPD. But it’s so refreshing listening to other people’s experiences with medication and pregnancy. You really should share these experiences as they help so many people that think they’re alone. Honestly, well done for telling your side. You should be immensely proud of yourself for letting that out xxx

    Like

    1. This comment made my day thank you so much!! If I reached just one person it was worth while 😊 I’m so sorry to hear you’ll struggle to conceive, it is amazing what they can do nowadays a have a lot of friends who tried for 10+ years to have kids then had IVF etc. Don’t loose hope. But totally understand the meds and bipolar make it a million times harder. I’m so pleased you find my posts inspiring you have no idea how much that means to me 😘 xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

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