A cat orgy was happening in my KITCHEN

I am not a big animal person, I love children and old people but animals are not my thing. However, as my other half was desperate for baby number 3 and I in no way shape or form was prepared to give him baby number 3, I did the next best thing and got him a pet. “Aw you got him a dog!” I hear you say, no no no a dog was far too much work, instead I got him a cat. 

She was beautiful, fairly vicious (not gonna lie) but we love her to bits. For a few years we couldn’t touch her much but we loved her all the same. I won’t go into details about her appearance as she is quite unique and I don’t want anyone I know figuring out who I am. (Insert Super hero joke here) 

As she got older it got more and more annoying letting her out through doors and windows so the time had come to buy her a cat flap. I was so excited for her to have her own door, but she was a stubborn little thing and she refused to use it for a month but she got there in the end.

However, with the cat flap came a shit tonne of problems. 

Where we live every one has at least one cat. Our street has more cat that people, each one with their own personality, friends and enemies. Its like a cat eastenders. It’s quite cute really.

It all started when one of our next door neighbours cats started sneaking in. At first I just thought our cat was eating twice the amount of food, as she was asking to be fed constantly. Until I found the other cat hiding behind our living room chair. This turned into an hourly battle of chasing the little bastard out the house. 

Our cat became even more unfriendly and started guarding the cat flap like there was no tomorrow. We could hear the cat trying to get in the cat flap and our cat holding it shut with her little paws (it looked quite funny to be honest) but it was becoming a big issue as the bastard cat trying to invade was constant. We had to stop opening windows all the way and keep the back doors closed in the summer. 

Over time I started finding other cats hiding in the house, it was getting fucking stupid and our poor cat was a stressed out nervous mess. Two things happened that were the final straw. 

1. My partner woke up to the sound of multiple cats howling and growling, he then realised they were INSIDE THE BLOODY HOUSE. He ran down stairs and found carnage in the kitchen, at least 5 cats doing God knows what. He actually described it as a cat orgy!!! 

2. The next day he walking into the kitchen to find a random cat pissing up his work bag!!!! After two hot washes it still stank, I secretly found this hilarious, he however did not. 

There was only one thing for it, we had to buy the most expensive cat flap in the world. It’s was £90 and scanned our cats microchip so only she could be let in the house. 

Since getting this fancy gold plated cat flap, our little cat is like a different… I was going to say person then! She’s chilled and happy and isn’t constantly pestering for food. There’s still a bit of feistiness in her but I think that’s just who she is, like most cats she likes everything to be on her terms. 

As it’s been getting hotter we’ve started opening windows again, and guess who I caught sneaking in my bedroom window today? The bastard cat!!! So yet again I’m on high alert. At least the other cats haven’t tried it yet, but I’ll be ready and waiting with my water pistol to chase them off. 

I’d love to hear in the comments below if you have ever had a cat orgy in your kitchen?! Or if you’ve had issues with other cats in your house?

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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