Something I read about jealousy in relationships that changed my perspective forever 

I really wish I could share where I learnt this pearl of wisdom, but sadly I read it years ago so have no idea how I could find it now. 

I have had huge issues with jealousy in the past, before I was medicated it was to the point of obsession. I’m talking about jealousy in relationships. I also had big trust issues so I feel looking back they went hand in hand. So much has changed but I do get the crazy pangs from time to time now, thankful I have found logic and can talk myself out of the psycho behaviour. 

When I was younger if I was out drinking and saw specific girls I found threatening, instead of acting it cool and secure like I would now, I’d end up drinking way too much and attacking these poor soles. Making myself look like an insecure thug. 

A lot of things helped me get over these issues, which I will be writing about in more depth soon. But I read this one article that made so much sense to me it really helped me make sense of my insanity. If I remember rightly it was either a doctor or psychiatrists theory on what jealousy actually was, it went something like this..

People do not have a certain amount of love to give, it’s not like love is a pie and once you’ve handed out the pieces there is no more. Love is endless. When you feel jealousy in a relationship its because you feel that if your partner cares for someone else (family member, an old friend of the opposite sex, work colleague whoever it is) it’s taking their love away from you. They can care for other people but still fully love you as well. It doesn’t take a single ounce of their love away from you. 

I found this fascinating and so true! If I think of it the other way round, I love my partner, but I also love my friends and family etc just because I’m out having a great time with my best friend doesn’t mean I don’t love him just as much as I did when I left the house.

Boom mind blown!!!

I really hope if your having jealousy issues this might make you think about it differently like I did. 

I’d love to hear in the comments below your strategies for dealing with jealousy or any stories you would like to share. 

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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  1. You are so right. I suffer with jealously since having my daughter and plunging into depression and anxiety. Jealously might be a strong term, I get anxiety my partner fancies someone else, has a crush, doesn’t fancy me, I’m a chore and a million other fictitious issues. All of which my mind has created. Ultimately I feel jealous, for no reason sometimes. I never thought of jealously like that before, him giving love away and that’s why I’m upset, make me think. That’s exactly what it is. I’ll do my best to remind myself love is endless ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your comment made writing this worth while!!!! It really made me think too and I just remind myself of that everytime I feel the jealousy coming. I was exactly the same after having our daughter, I wasnt great before but it was definitely worse after having her. It doesn’t help that having babies changes our bodies which makes us feel worse and more insecure. How old is your daughter? 😊 mine will be 10 in November!! So from experience I can promise you it gets better xxx 😘😘

      Liked by 2 people

      • She is almost 2. So she’s prime stubborn, crazy, hard work toddler age 😄 I never came jeloausly a thought before baby. But after? It’s crazy, having thoughts, obsessions about everything. I genuinely thought he was at a girls flat instead of his mate house one night. If you knew Dave you would know he would never, ever!! Do a thing like that. Doesn’t stop me being crazy thought! For me it partly stems from my changed body, for sure. My boobs completely changed and although Dave reassures me they are great I beat myself up and compare them to pre baby. And pre baby Dave. It’s horrible. I’m glad i made it though most of our relationship (11 years) not feeling this! I’m sure I can overcome it in time, get back to thinking I’m the bees knees 😁 xx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I am one of these rare people who does not feel jealousy. Of course everyone has their moment. I have been in a relationship with a Man who seemed to have an obsession with jealousy, to the point of being a narcissistic A hole…

    No matter what I said to defend myself, he insisted ‘No’ to him I was ‘clingy, jealous & possessive’ I wasn’t…I think that was the problem, he wanted me to be those things. Unfortunately he kept telling other people this, so I got grief from other women…It was a night mare. In the end I had a nervous break down…

    Over a decade later, I still have that reputation. I feel soooo! resentful, that he got away with playing these emotionally abusive mind games. Though some karma did get him. He played me off other women. One time he caused trouble between me & a friend, we was good friend, but in the end she totally hated me & of course told everyone her side of the virtual drama…Eventually she worked out that it was him & that he had a personality disorder, but the damage is done…

    On a positive note. You’re right. We can love lots of people in different ways. I just happened to get with a narcissist who got some weird thrill from playing me off other women…I have had issues with my marriage, due to my lack of the green eyed monster. Sometimes I think we need a touch of jealousy in us, after all it is a natural emotional, it is only when it goes too extreme it causes a problem…

    That said. I have learned to be more aggressive with other women, so I don’t have to go through with what I went through with…

    Oops…Sorry, I almost wrote a blog post not a comment, lol…

    Liked by 1 person

    • No no don’t be sorry I love when people take the time to share their stories! 😊 I love hearing other people’s perspectives. I’m so sorry that happened to you, he sounds like an awful human being. I admire you don’t have the crazy jealous issues, and he should of too!
      You have reminded me of another point I must add to my next post on jealousy, where I used to b crazy jealous and now I’m not my other half kind of tars me with that brush. And I hate it. Not all the time, but sometime he’ll take what I say or do totally twist it making out I’m still a jealous nut when it over something I couldn’t care less about or someone I don’t find remotely threatening.
      My reputation isn’t great in his circle of friend either, even though I’m a different person now. But unlike your story, my reputation was all my own doing.


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