4 posties, a sex toy and a few gallons of diesel…(I’m insane)


If you read my blog post The great transformers hunt was on (the things we do for our kids) I’m sure you will have gathered how determined I can be! Today was one of those ‘mountain moving days.’ The kids are at my mums for the night and me and my other half had a night of dirty love making planned. We had ordered something to go along with said dirty love making. However I missed the delivery. 

At that point I had two choices, accept the night was ruined, or find that parcel. As I’m super woman today I chose the latter. 

The hunt was on. 

The crazy, stalker, ‘woman possessed’ came out of me and I was on a mission. I wanted my dirty love making and no early delivering postie (that’s short for postman) was going to ruin that!!! 

I started like most crazy people do, I drove around the streets looking for the postie. My detective skills kicked in, I knew that there is one guy who does the letters and another that does the parcels, they both come and go in the same van. So if I could find one, I could find the other. 

After a good half an hour I was having no luck, so my next step was to drive to the main post office, where the note through my door said it would be tomorrow. Tomorrow was no good, the kids are back then, I needed it today. 

I spoke to a very nice lady who said I might be able to get it tonight but she couldn’t promise anything. So that was my back up plan. But she did suggest keeping an eye out on the way home. I took that as “keep looking you’ll find him” so off I went. 

I tried a different road on the way home and spotted a postie!!!! Not my one, but a postie all the same. So like the lunatic I am I shout out the window if he knows where my parcel could be. He was actually pretty nice about it, I’m guessing I’m not the first to go to these extremes, he says after my area they’ll be in a different part of town, which he gave me directions to.

I had a lead!!!! 

The excitement kicked in again and I flew in my mummy wagon to where they could be, as I’m driving down a long main road I get stuck in traffic lights and guess who drives past me in the opposite direction THE POSTIES!!!! 

At this point I’m screaming and concidering crashing my car to get out of the traffic and onto the other side of this road. As I’m debating if that’s a bit over the top or not the lights change to green and I’m off! I turn around at a round about but my heart sinks as I realised I’ve lost them.

My brain has fireworks as I realise they’re heading to the big post office!!!!!! As I get closer I see a lady postie that I’ve seen delivering near our house before so I pull over to harass her too, she was so kind to me (probably because I looked wild eyed and rather sweaty) she told me she wasn’t delivery to me today and how It’s nearly the end of the other posties shift so they will be back at the big post office soon. 

As she says this they drive past!!!! The lady postie must be as nuts as me, she starts jumping and pointing “ahhh that’s them go go go!!!” I didn’t need any encouragement, I did a U turn in the middle of the road, blocked them in as they parked and….

Got my fucking parcel!!!!!! 

So after an hour and a half, I had achieved!! My god was I smug, I had done the impossible! 

When was the last time you chased a postie?! I’d love to hear in the comments below!

The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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