Welcome to my sex tip series! Writing this has really made me think deeply about my sex life and what has attributed to how great it is even after being with my partner for over 10 years. As I said in a previous post, our sex life is better than ever. One big turn around was me embracing my body. This is quite a sensitive subject for a lot of women (and men I’m sure) and thinking about it I don’t know a single woman who is happy with her body. The Secret is you don’t have to be happy with it, to embrace it. Excepting who you are is liberating and really brings inner peace, trust me I would know.
Up until the past couple of years I have HATED my body, there was NOTHING I liked about it. Although my parter told me he loved me and found me attractive, because I didn’t see it, I don’t think I really believed him. Even when I was slim, toned and curvy I found it hard to look at myself naked. Having several eating disorders in my life did not help, they made me hate myself even more, the more weight I lost the more the hatred grew.
After gaining about 8/9 stone incredibly quickly due to starting anti psychotics then falling pregnant I was at an all time low. The hatred had turned into something so dark, I cringed at my own body, there are next to no photos of me after having or second child because I felt like a disgusting embarrassment to myself and my family. I was in this huge body that didn’t feel like mine and I had no idea how to turn it around. I wouldn’t go out incase someone I knew saw me, I should of been so happy to have been blessed with another healthy baby but I wasn’t. I didn’t want my partner to see me naked, let alone touch me.
This isn’t a weight loss story by the way, I’m not going to say I lost all the weight and now I’m gorgeous and happy. Because that’s not what’s happened. Yes I have lost some of the weight but I have a loooooong way to go. What all changed for me was deep down my biggest fear was that no matter what size I was, I would never be happy. And that petrified me. I didn’t want to hate myself for the rest of my life, I wanted to like myself, fat or thin I’m still a good person and beautiful in my own way. Having a daughter helped me with this as the thought of her feeling how I did broke my heart. How could I teach her to truly love herself if I didn’t love myself?
It took time and encouragement but I have excepted who I am. I still want to loose weight, but I’m doing it for my health. Not because I want to be ‘perfect.’ I’ve always thought I was fat, even when I was seriously under weight in my mind I was bigger than I am now. But I think from experiencing what being big really is, when I do get smaller, for the first time in my life, I will see what everyone else sees. My partner has always told me I’m gorgeous and beautiful and that he loves me, but now I believe him and KNOW it’s the truth.
Even if at times I look in the mirror and think ‘God that’s not a flattering angle of my belly/bum/hips/tits/chins/arms/legs/back’ I am still beautiful, and I’m the same person I was before I got big. Since embracing my body our sex life has gone to another level, it’s so passionate and intense it brings the sun out of my storm cloud. I’m more than willing to try new things now, and when we do I’m not cringing and dying inside, or stopping and bursting into tears, or thinking ‘I’m fat and gross how the hell is he enjoying this’ I’m thinking about how gorgeous he makes me feel and I’m focused on the job at hand!!
Once you see your beauty others will too, and even if you can’t see it doesn’t mean that others can’t! Being beautiful isn’t about having the perfect body, it’s everything about you. So next time you feel your not good enough, listen to your heart and know that you are.
If you would like to catch up on the other tips in this series click the links below:
Tip three (make the time)
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old
X X X X X