Ways to improve your sex life-tip number 2 (Don’t be selfish) 

Welcome to my sex tip series! Today’s topic is going to be about being selfish in bed. I think quite a few people will be able to relate to this one and I thought it would be a good eye opening read regardless if your the selfish one or if your partner is. This post is also based more on personal experience from the past so there will be some over sharing, just to warn you. 
Being super honest and open (as this blog is anonymous I really can be!) before meeting the love of my life I had never orgasmed with a guy before. Solo yes, with anyone else, no. I have had quite an adventurous sexual past to say the least, name it I’ve tried it, but I’d never been with anyone who’s goal during sex was to please me. Every other guy was just in it for them selves, and now I realise long term that seriously wouldn’t of worked for me. I just thought that what sex was, and looking back that is fucking sad and I could not be happier with my pervy dirty love making machine that I have ended up with. 
I remember the first time he made me orgasm was when he went down on me, I’m not joking when I say I had to hold in the tears I was so bloody happy as well as relieved that I actually could with someone else. Afterwards I sat up to give him his turn, he simply looked at me and said ‘I didn’t do it to get anything in return, I just wanted to do something for you.’ That night I laid awake puzzled, my mind was racing because I was so confused, why did he do it if he didn’t he want anything back? That’s when it dawned on me, this is how it should be. The amount of blow jobs I had given guys with nothing in return, why is that ok?! Think about it! 
The boyfriend I had before I met the man I settled with, was a selfish piece of shit, he really was, in the two and a half years together he never ONCE even TRIED to do something nice sexually for me. He was a ‘pump pump pump done’ kinda guy. It left me so frustrated as I was horny as hell and it wouldn’t even cross his mind how he would of felt if it was the other way round. Maybe I should of tried talking to him more about it but I couldn’t find the words and didn’t want to hurt his feelings (I cover this in my first sex tips instalment click here to read more) so I was wholly unsatisfied for some time and my vibrator became my soul mate. That’s not why I ended things with him but I know that if I would of stayed it would of become even more of an issue and I wouldn’t of ever been truly happy. 
Sex should be both parties coming away happy (no pun intended…) wether your a couple in love or fuck buddies, what is the point if your not both satisfied? If your that poor sole who is with a selfish lover and you tell yourself ‘it’s ok because I love making them happy’ just think, how would they feel if it was always about you and never about them? And if your the selfish lover in this scenario, if you love someone and want to keep them in your life you need to start thinking about them too. If you are embarrassed that you don’t know how to please your partner, be honest and tell them. I’m pretty sure that most people would find it incredibly thoughtful that you want to try and that you’ve realised it’s not all about you. Another great tip is, if you find it easier to orgasm than your partner, sort them out first so by the end your both happy and content! 
I hope this has helped you! Follow my blog for the next sex tip instalment!
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old

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