Im going to start by saying I’m not a sex therapist but I do know a thing or two about sex in a relationship. I have been with my partner for over 10 years and we still have sex nearly as much as we did when we met. Sex is a huge part of our relationship, it brings us closer together and it’s almost like a hobby for us! It also helps that we still fancy the pants off each other. As the years have gone on our sex life has gotten better and better so I thought I’d write a series on tips and tricks to improve your sex life. Each post will cover a different topic that I think has helped our sex life and kept the spark alive.
I chose this tip to be the first in our series as I think it’s the most important one. You have to be honest with your partner. I know so many people that are unhappy with their sex life because they are trying to fake it till they make it. This does not work! If you don’t like what you partners doing after years of it, your never going to. Your not going to magically wake up, suddenly enjoying them screaming ‘boom goes the dynamite’ every time they cum if it make you cringe and die inside.
There are ways of discussing sexual preferences without hurting your partners feelings, for example, instead of saying ‘I don’t like how it feels when you finger me like that it does nothing for me’ you can say ‘I prefer it when you do it like this, it really turns me on and feels amazing.’ This could even lead to you showing them how you like it to be done, which in turn would be as sexy as hell for your partner and could open the door to having more open discussions on what you would like to change. As well as talking about what you enjoy, ask your partner what they enjoy and if there is anything you can change to make it more fun and satisfying. Don’t be offended if your surprised at their answers, be open to what they say and don’t see it as a personal attack. Everyone is different and likes different things, over time preferences can change and evolve and discussing this can only lead to great sex and a feeling of togetherness. It’s better than watching eastenders every night I know that much! Remember to tell your partner what you love about your sex life, this can make the conversation more balanced and less negative.
If you want to try something new, be brave and say, your partner might also want to try new things too but could feel worried they’ll be laughed at or are too shy to speak up. Take the initiative and talk about it. If your partner doesn’t feel ready to try your specific suggestion, ask what they would like to try. Both parties need to be 100% comfortable, this is an incredibly important part of an amazing sex life. Also just because they don’t want to try something at this moment in time doesn’t mean that they won’t want to give it a go in the future. But remember to be respectful and if your partner is firmly against something you suggest you need to except it and move on to something else, no one should feel guilted into anything sexual.
If you don’t feel you can verbally say exactally want you want from your sex life, why not take the lead and show your partner. If for the past 5 years your partner has forgetten what foreplay is, and instead gets straight to the job at hand, remind them of what you used to do. Take charge and start your sexual encounter differently than normal, even starting in a different room than normal can totally change the experience.
I hope this is helpful you, Follow my blog for the next instalment!
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