I recently wrote a blog on the main things I hate about being over weight, but it’s not all doom and gloom so I thought it was important to share some positive things I have learnt along the way too.
1. I have realised how much my boyfriend loves me
I started with this as it’s a big one, and a lot of these points will revolved around him as he has done more for my self confidence than I ever thought possible from another human being. When we first met I wasn’t super skinny by any means but I was curvy and cuddley and rocked it. I drank and partied way too much but was a gym bunny and did look after myself as best I could at the time. After having our first child I hit the gym hard and started running again, getting my toned body back and dropping some of the chunk I had required after being pregnant. I was young and super insecure about myself, even though I looked great on the outside, inside I don’t think I’ve ever felt more unattractive. I had a warped sense of reality and what I looked like. I took it a tad too far and started really restricting my food and pushing my body too far while exercising, running until my legs shook. I started to loose my curves and my facial features looked huge. Everyone around me was worried for my health but all I could think about was if I just lost more weight I’d start looking better. I realise this is utter bull shit but at the time it made sense to me. As time went on a few things happened causing my weight to spiral up, in about a year my weight had ballooned and I was unrecognisable. But the most shocking thing of all to me, was that he still loved me. I’m trying not to cry while typing this because daily I was waiting for him to leave me. He didn’t sign up to be with a big blob and I thought it was just a matter of time until he admitted I was disgusting and that he found me unattractive and left. But that day never came. Even when I was an emotional wreck after baby number two he was by my side every step of the way. We still had our issues and arguments like every normal couple but he never complained about my weight or made me feel anything less than fucking beautiful. In fact I feel our love has grown more as the years have gone on, weight regardless.
2. I have realised I am still sexy
We have always had a booming sex life, there may be quiet times but in general we are dirty little pervs for each other. And being big hasn’t changed this, in fact I think our sex life is better than ever. Before i truly excepted my weigh gain I was hiding my body away from my boyfriend because I was convinced if he fully saw me naked in the light I would never see his dick hard again. Until one day I realised that even though I wasn’t parading myself naked around the house he still knew what I felt like naked which also meant he knew what I looked like naked. AND HE STILL WANTED ME. On a daily basis he tells me I’m beautiful and that he loves me, even when we are having sex he is showering me with compliments. Over time this really built my confidence up, which made me realise that being sexy isn’t about having the perfect body. It comes from within and knowing what to do with your body. Being genuinely confidant in bed is far more sexy than just looking the part. So now we take pretty much any opportunity to be naked!!! Theres always some form of light on while we’re doing the dirty, after being so shy and in the dark this was quite liberating. I do get moments of shyness with our more adventurous endeavours, but I can honestly say it has nothing to do with my weight.
3. I have realised am beautiful regardless of my weight
The perfect body does not make you beautiful, who you are is what makes you beautiful. When I was younger and I heard people saying that I thought ‘what a load of shit’ but it really is true. You can be the most beautiful perfect looking goddess, but if your cold nasty and selfish over time you will appear uglier and uglier. And of course it’s true the other way round too.
4. I am kinder to people
I’m not saying I was ever overly nasty to people but I’m a lot more aware of others feelings. I mentioned in my Annoying things about being fat post that I have been surprised at how many dirty looks I get now I’m really over weight. So now I will go out of my way to make someone who looks uncomfy or self-conscious feel good. I might just smile warmly at them or if the timing is right compliment their hair or dress etc. I love seeing their face light up, and I can understand why they do. After having negative states all day it just takes one person to be nice to me to make me feel good again, like I’m human.
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old
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