I want to start this post by saying I realise being fat is my own doing, I am not under any illusion it’s anyone else’s fault or that life is ‘unfair’ because I’m over weight. Your life is what you make it and what you want it to be! Which is why I’m changing my life for the better and shifting this weight once and for all. So to motivate myself to keep going, and to keep away from the Easter eggs I thought I’d write down my top annoyances about being fat. I have lost over two stone but still have about 8 stone to go. So this post is from the perspective of someone who is very big, and how it effects my life.
Apart from not being able to wear the clothes I really like, finding clothes my size is a nightmare. Very few shops stock my size and the ones that did are eradicating all plus size sections. Which means I have to order them online, which also means I need to order several sizes and styles as I have no idea what will fit or look good on my lump bumpy body. The choice could also be better, just because I’m big does mean I don’t want to look good!!
Eugh chairs are the Bain of my existence and I’m sick to bloody death with them being a problem and missing out due to fear of not fitting or breaking something. Thankfully a chair has never buckled under my whale like weight, but I am guilty of slowly breaking garden chairs over time as they really arnt designed for someone as big as me. Recently I went to a friends house for a cuppa, when I saw her kitchen stools my heart sank as I knew there was no way they would take my weight, well they might of done but my faith in chairs is nonexistent. So like a knob I insisted on standing the whole time saying ‘no honestly I’m fine I prefer standing’ bless her I don’t think the chair issue would of even crossed her mind as she a healthy size but inside I was dying. I even ate lunch standing up. Out and about I have to look inside a cafe or restaurant before going in to check the seating situation, booths are my best friend! Don’t even get me started about the chairs at my children school for plays and performances. I either stand at the back or if I decide to brave a chair I’m leaning forward on my feet looking like I’m having a shit with the sweat pouring off of me in panic that it’ll break under me in front of everyone. Nothing is cute about that image.
3. Being unaware of how much room I take up
This one is always really cringy, for example, I’m in a café having breakfast with my Mum. Its pretty packed and the tables are really close together, I need a wee so decide to brave it through the tables. I feel like a slinky snake thinking my two stone weight loss is paying off as I dart between the gaps with ease, one gap left to go, I quickly evaluated weither i’d fit or not. Feeling confidant I’ll fit I go for it, as i’m squishing through I realise I definatly don’t fit. The only reason I am getting through is because I’m pushing both the ladies across the room while they’re still ontheir chairs, I was mortified. They were so sweet about it but holy hell I wanted to die with embarrassment. Another good example is fitting between wing mirrors in car parks, its gutting whenever im 100% sure I will fit and no matter what angle I try or how much I breath in. I simply wont fit, I feel like a walking fire hazard!!
4. The looks
I think this is by far the worst thing on this list, the way some people look at me. To an extent I understand, I never in a million years thought I would become over weight (the story of that will come another time) and back in my skinny days I would look at people my size and think ‘dear god how did you let it get that far’ but now the shoe is on the other foot it really isn’t that fun. I was never nasty to anyone about their weight but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t look and judge. I get stared at a lot, and no it’s never in a positive way, more like someone looking at an animal in a zoo. I feel quite blessed I’ve never had a nasty comment or someone laugh at me but their eyes roaming my giant arse really says all they need to say. I have also found, since being bigger, a lot of people don’t
5. Weigh restrictions
Last but not least we have weight restrictions. I don’t have a tonne of stories on this topic as I don’t put myself in the situations for this to be a problem very often. Although there is something that happened a few months ago that depressed me for days. As a family we were going to a local trampoline centre, it was myself my other half and our two children. My other half is a normal size who works hard on his body and he looks amazing. He was going to jump with the our kids. When I was a normal size I was really involved in these kinds of activities and was really out going. I had decided to surprise everyone by having a go and joining in, I was so excited as I knew they would all be happy I wasn’t going to be watching from the sidelines. When we arrived and got in the queue I was just about to tell my boyfriend that I was going to jump too when I saw a huge sign with the weight restriction, my heart sank as I realised I was too heavy. Not just a little bit too heavy, but about 4 stone too heavy. I didn’t even think my weight would of been an issue. There was no way I could jump as I would likely break something or seriously injure someone around me. So I plastered on a big smile and pretended everything was ok, and that I couldn’t wait to take photos and watch everyone have fun. It was a sad day for me inside, there was no way I was going to tell my family I was too fat to jump it was humiliating. This is actually what spurred me on to start loosing weight as I was sick of missing out.
I’d love to hear what you hate about being over weight or what you’ve loved after loosing weight!!
The Secret Blog of a 30 Year Old
X X X X X